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Nurture Yourself!

Practical and Fun Ways to Lower Stress

By Rick Hanson

. Stay with those experiences a few seconds or minutes longer than you normally would. Let your body relax around the good feelings, be filled with them and soak them up like a sponge. If you like, you could imagine that they are being placed in a treasure chest in your heart and you can take them out and feel them again any time you want.

Going a step further, you could actively dislodge old, bad experiences from their places in emotional memory by replacing them with new, good experiences. All you have to do is be aware of both experiences at the same time – the present, positive one and the old, unpleasant one – and let the new one be a more powerful experience than the old. Then you'll have an internal sense of the good, current experience dissolving and replacing the painful, old one, of finally getting fed where you are hungry inside. You'll be giving yourself today some of what you didn't get – but should have gotten – as a child.

In particular, try experiments in which you do something out of character that challenges a negative belief, and observe the results. For example, if you normally feel nervous about being assertive, because deep down you expect to be punished for it in some way, you could try being one notch more direct, blunt or forceful with your partner, a friend or a coworker. If the experiment goes badly (but make sure it's a fair one!), maybe the old belief is true after all. If it goes well – which is what usually happens – then let the good news sink in. This process is probably the single most effective method of personal growth we know, and every day has opportunities to use it.

Want to see more?

• Even Super Mom Needs a Break: Finding Time for You
• The Path to Peace: Meditation for Moms
• You Deserve a Break Today: New Moms Need Nurturing, Too
• Talk about it!

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