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Finding Financial Harmony in Marriage
A Guide to Being Debt-Free
After You Say "I Do"
After You Say "I Do"
By Heather Johnson Durocher
It's an all-too-common scene for couples, perhaps especially so among parents of young children: You want to go out, celebrate an anniversary or simply spend some desperately needed alone time with your husband, and he balks at the idea because "We don't have the money right now." Or perhaps he wants to take you to a movie but all you can think about is how much the babysitter and theater ticket – not to mention popcorn and soda – are going to cost you when things already are tight for the month.
How many times have we all thought, at one time or another, "If only we'd win the lottery, we wouldn't have to fight about money"? But we'd be wrong, says Mary Hunt, founder and publisher of Cheapskate Monthly and the author of Debt-Proof Your Marriage: How to Achieve Financial Harmony (Fleming H. Revell Company, 2003). "Money problems are rarely about money at all," says Hunt, who endured years of financial strife herself before admitting to herself how her views of money negatively affected her marriage. "They are mixed up with issues of self-worth, fear and power. And until the two of you learn how to manage these aspects of your relationship, more money will only mean bigger problems."
The bad news, Hunt says, is that of all the issues in a marriage, money has the greatest potential to ruin the relationship. "The good news is that knowledge is power, and learning why money is so difficult is going to help you make a huge leap toward financial harmony," she says.
Debt is a huge problem in the United States. Americans collectively are $1.7 trillion in debt, says Deborah McNaughton, of Orange County, Calif., who founded the company Professional Credit Counselors and was, with her husband, more than $300,000 in debt at one time.
Whether you're looking to avoid taking on any debt to start your marriage or are struggling to get a grip on out-of-control spending that's left you both in a deep hole, experts say the time is now to focus on setting things straight financially.