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Home › Dad of the Month

David Donch

By Melinda Copp

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a father who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a man and a father. Above all, the Dad of the Month is dedicated to his children. Rich or poor, famous or not, he shines as an example of what fathering is all about.

The Donchs are a regular, middle-class family of four living in Auburn, N.Y., according to David Donch. He works as a millwright at a local steel mill, and his wife, Johanna, works part-time as a clerk in the county nursing home. But this family has something very special about them that millions of families can appreciate.

"We took Nathaniel to a pediatric neurologist when he was 2 1/2 because he didn't speak well and used only one- to three-word sentences," Donch says. "He also didn't play like the other kids. He would line up toys or other objects and spend a lot of time just staring at them. If anyone moved them, he would get upset. He played alongside other kids but didn't socialize with them, except to show them and tell them about the various objects he was obsessed with."

The doctor's diagnosis is something that every parent fears – autism. According to the Autism Society of America, autism is a complex developmental disability that affects the brain, impacting development in the areas of social interaction and communication skills. According to a 2007 Centers for Disease Control report, one in 150 children in America today has an autism spectrum disorder.

The Diagnosis
Autism is a spectrum disorder that affects individuals differently and at varying degrees, but both children and adults with autism typically show difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication, social interactions and leisure or play activities. Nathaniel's diagnosis was challenging for Donch and his family on many levels. Not only did they have to accept that their son would face lifelong challenges and that their lives would be changed forever, but they had financial concerns as well.

"The day we received diagnosis, I was first in a state of shock," Donch says. "Outside of seeing the movie Rain Man, I had never encountered autism. I couldn't bear to think that our son would spend his life as that character in the movie, and didn't think there was anything I could do about it. I was literally cursing myself at work that evening during the graveyard shift because even if there was something I could do, I was lucky to make enough money to even pay my bills, let alone pay for treatments and therapy. I knew I would have to work harder and better myself to become a better father and good provider, especially for Nathaniel's sake."

The Donchs also had to deal with the social stigmas that come with autism, and disabilities of all kinds. Many people, unless they have experience with autism, misunderstand the condition and the behaviors it causes.

"When he was young, Nathaniel's behaviors were often very challenging to all of us and quite bothersome to other people, even extended family members," Donch says. "Many would attribute his behavior to poor parenting and simply saw our explanations for his behavior as using his autistic label to excuse our inadequacies as parents."

This led the family to avoid going out in public with Nathaniel – someone always stayed home with him during trips to the store and other family errands. And they gave up on having friends and family over to their house because their guests felt uncomfortable with Nathaniel's behavior and outbursts.

The Donchs have since overcome these challenges, and Nathaniel, who is now 14, is a star player for his 7th and 8th grade modified baseball team. He's their ace pitcher, and plays third base when he's not pitching. He still struggles with social skills and with school subjects that require the use of complex language, ideas and imagination. But he's at the top of his class in math, Donch says.

Putting It into Words
Nathaniel's baseball prowess inspired Donch's first novel, Beast (Llumina Stars, 2007), which is a fictionalized memoir based on Nathaniel's Little League pitching success.

"Writing my book has been very rewarding for me," Donch says. "Not only has it given me a chance to captivate readers with Nathaniel's story, but it's enabled me to do something that could raise autism awareness through America's favorite pastime – baseball. It's my hope that the book will be read by a lot of people who wouldn't ordinarily be interested in reading a book on autism, but might be interested in reading a fun, intriguing and inspirational baseball story. I want the important messages shared in the book to reach non-members of the autism/Asperger community so as to incite more acceptance, support and appreciation for people on the spectrum."

Donch, who helps coach his son's team, believes that Nathaniel's participation and success in baseball has helped build his confidence and social skills. Plus, having a big family doesn't hurt either.

Donch's oldest, Dominika, 18, attends the local community college studying liberal arts. She hasn't quite figured out exactly what she wants to do yet, but she knows that she loves working with kids based on her experience as an after school program coordinator for elementary students, Donch says.

Noah, 17, is also a baseball player. He's a star catcher for his high school varsity baseball team and hopes to play baseball in college. He likes arguing politics and is very opinionated. And the youngest, Makrina, 13, is the social butterfly. She constantly has friends calling on the phone or knocking at the door right after school every day and all weekend. This tends to drive the rest of us crazy sometimes, Donch says.

"My favorite part of being a dad is spending quality time with my kids," Donch says. "Having a rewarding conversation with one of my kids that causes me to feel like they're developing into good, strong individuals who will have a good chance at leading fulfilling lives is what really makes me happy. I also get real joy out of the humorous things they'll sometimes say or do to make me laugh."

When Donch isn't busy with his kids, writing and work, he enjoys koi keeping.

"I've been reproducing these colored carp for a few years now as a hobby and selling them to other koi enthusiasts," Donch says.

Life is never without challenges, and living with an autistic child or sibling is never easy. But challenges make people stronger, and Donch hopes that his kids will learn how to use their own personal talents to make life easier for others.

"Although it's been difficult at times, Nathaniel has brought us great joy and has taught us all how to truly care for someone," Donch says. "His life and personal struggles have taught us to not take things for granted and to use what we've been given to be the best we can be, just as he does."



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