728x90
my iParenting
From Our Sponsors
e-newsletters
Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters

new terms of use
new privacy policy
award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Home › Dad of the Month

Justin Coke

By Teri Brown

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a father who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a man and a father. Above all, the Dad of the Month is dedicated to his children. Rich or poor, famous or not, he shines as an example of what fathering is all about.

The best fathers are supportive through the entire child-raising process – and that includes pregnancy. In Justin Coke's case, fatherhood meant being there for his wife through the ups and downs of assisted reproductive technology.

"Justin was there for the entire process of in vitro – from the egg retrieval process to the implantation of the embryos," says his wife, Carolyn Coke. "Once the embryos were implanted I depended on Justin to give me all the required hormone shots that you have to administer during in vitro. He was nervous giving me the shots at first (which was kind of cute) but then I secretly think he enjoyed poking me with a needle every day. He was by my side during the weekly and monthly sonograms. Each sonogram visit we would hold hands, hold our breath and stare at the screen until we were able to see the heartbeat and then we would sigh with relief that our baby had made it to one more office visit."

A Long Road

The Cokes didn't have an easy time of it. They lost their twin babies to miscarriage shortly after the first successful implantation.

"Justin's strength and love got me through the difficult time after our miscarriage," Carolyn Coke says. "It brought us closer having to deal with the heartache and loss of our babies. Justin just kept reminding me how strong I was. He gave me space to grieve on my own but was never too far away that I couldn't lean on him when I needed to. He understood when I would get depressed about the situation but he also was the one that made me get back into the normal swing of life and helped me realize that it just wasn't our time and that we would try again when the doctors said we could."

For Justin Coke, who resides in San Antonio, Texas, marriage means being there through the good and the bad. "She is my wife and best friend, and I will be by her side during anything," Coke says. "She had so much going through her mind ... there was no way I was letting her do it alone."

So he supported his wife through the entire process. If that meant he needed to give her the hormone shots, he did it. And when they finally conceived again, that meant he went to every doctor's appointment. It also meant that he was there for his wife during the entire birthing process – all 33 hours of it.

"Carolyn went into labor about 7 a.m. on November 2 and Kenly was born around 4 p.m. on the 3rd," Coke says. "Unfortunately, Carolyn was in labor but was not dilated enough for an epidural so she had to suffer through nearly 24 hours of contractions au-natural! Finally the morning of the 3rd she was given the epidural, which made things so much better. However, her OB/GYN made the decision at 3 p.m. that she needed to perform a C-section. She went to the operating room where they proceeded to perform the procedure. Everything went off without a hitch, and all of a sudden we had a beautiful baby girl."

Becoming a Dad

What makes this support even more remarkable is that Justin Coke wasn't as child-hungry as his wife was. "It is funny because I really couldn't have cared less about having a child," he says. "I was supporting Carolyn because it is what she wanted. But they are not kidding, once you see their face for the first time everything changes. I love being a father, especially to this little firecracker. Every day as a dad is better than the last."

Like many new fathers, the changes in his life are remarkable, but he found that he has taken to fatherhood quite easily. "My life has absolutely changed," Justin Coke says. "Every decision I make, I take her into consideration first, which is very strange because I was used to doing whatever whenever. Funny enough, the change wasn't that hard."

Carolyn Coke believes it was their strong marriage and their mutual support that got her through the difficult process of ART and her miscarriage and will continue to get them through parenthood. "I think we both supported each other equally through the entire process," she says. "First of all, neither of us knew what all the in-vitro process would really entail. You can talk to doctors and they can give you an idea of what to expect, but until you and your partner are going through it together you really have no idea how strong you are as a couple. When you see and hear on a daily basis how easy it is for most people to get pregnant, going through this process makes you cherish your partner and your baby that much more."

Try Justin Coke's favorite recipe for Sauteed Asparagus!



Want to see more?