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Expert Q&A

	By Dana Chidekel, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist Author

My daughter just turned 10. She has been a gymnast for five years -- two years competitive. Her involvement with the sport is more than recreational. She spends upwards of 20 hours a week in the gym. My concern is that she doesn't seem to have any friends at school or at the gym. She gets along great with her teammates but none are close. She is deeply spiritual and doesn't agree with some of the things other 10-year-olds talk about or do. She is very friendly but gets hurt easily. I'm afraid that all her time in an individual sport and then spending all her time alone -- what time is left -- without even one close friend is going to be detrimental. It's bad enough we just arrived here in July, but I thought things would be better by now. Help!

Has anyone asked your daughter what she wants and what her goals are? Does she want to be an Olympian? Start by finding out what she's after and then work together to find out what reaching her particular goals entails. You might speak to the coach together, find out how much practice is required for what she's after, what kinds of sacrifices other girls make in the service of aiming wherever she is aiming. Talk to other girls in the facility who pursue gymnastics at whatever level she wants to. Ask together how they handle whatever sacrifices are made. Once you both gather this kind of information together, then you can sit down and then discuss it - her thoughts about it and yours. You can establish some parameters. The act of doing all this together is something that takes place in the context of your relationship and it can enrich it. The decisions that you make together will grow out of information and careful consideration as opposed to growing from assumptions and fears.

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