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Expert Q&A

	By Barbara Hannelore' Coming of Age Expert Creator of the Women's Way Program

My daughter recently started her period. Her brothers found out and are giving her a hard time. I have talked to them, and they insist that it is just in "good fun," but she is having a very hard time dealing with them. How can I help?

Boys may tease in order to appear more knowledgeable than they actually are. Once they have a better understanding, the teasing tends to subside. Most boys are really rather uninformed about menstruation and often do not have the opportunity to really ask their questions or hear the information repeated over time.

Your sons are lucky to be able to talk with you. Keeping the dialogue going and responding to their questions takes some of the charge off the topic. Your sons will soon have a better understanding of something that most boys joke about out of ignorance. I am sure you can help them learn more sensitivity toward their sister, and it will serve them very well when they start to develop relationships with other girls.

Let your sons know that teasing is a sign of immaturity or misinformation, and you know they are mature enough to understand this subject. Let them know it is never "fun" to tease someone who doesn't enjoy it; it is cruel. It is never OK to tease someone about something they cannot change or control. Ask them to remember, if they are older, how they felt when their bodies and voices began to change. Did they want people calling attention to these very personal things that they could not control?

The boys need to know how they are expected to treat girls and why. Both you and their father or male role model (I am assuming you are their mother) should talk with them about this, since both your perspectives will be valuable. There needs to be clear consequences if they continue to disrespect their sister. Family meetings where each person has a chance to be heard in a safe environment can be helpful. Your children will feel less like adversaries and develop more of an understanding of what this stage of life is like for each of them."

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