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Expert Q&A

	By Sonny Elliott Family Counselor/Author

Now that school has started, my daughter is having a hard time adjusting after being off for summer break. How can I get her to focus on her work and realize that summer is over and she has to get into school again?

Not a bad problem to have, since re-focusing a child's attention can be a powerful lesson for the parents as well. A lot of answers would have to do with the child's age, and the answer at any age ends up in the same arena.

Children as well as adults love games. It's not the prize that is usually the motivator, but the game itself. All that has to happen, I suspect, is to set up a game, or a circumstance that is of interest to the child that effectively focuses the child on what is at hand rather than this past summer's activities. Perhaps it is finding out what keeps the child focused on her past summer activities, and see how you can bring some of those feelings or activities into the present. How could you transpose some of those experiences into today's activities? You might start with asking interesting questions of the child such as "what did you love most about your summer?"

People get in life what they focus on, and as long as you yourself are focused on the "not" of it (she isn't doing what she should be doing) she will simply keep looking at that because you're drawing attention to it as well. Also, I would invite you to have some fun with this! Sometimes we have far too much attachment to items that bother us, and often these concerns are not necessarily going to be to the child's determent.

In conclusion, our youngest son Andy, was a terrible grade school student, and a poor high school student. At one point in the second grade his desk was in the back of the room, facing the back of the room! The game we put in was these types of actions at school resulted in consequences at home, such as not going to a friend's home after school or missing a sleepover. It didn't matter to us what we took, we just took something away from him he really wanted. We did this without anger, malice etc., just like "oh by the way."

Andy always struggled with school until he had a chance for an incredible opportunity that required he go to college and complete his education with a "B" average. Prior to that he also was a poor college student who would start and stop school. Not only did Andy do well, he excelled, and he was an honor student, because the consequence was one he was interested in. The game was one he wanted to play. It just took us awhile to find out the game he wanted to play!

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