- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- babies today articles
- babies today q&a
- toddlers today articles
- toddlers today q&a
- breastfeed.com articles
- breastfeed.com q&a
- message boards
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
 |
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Expert Q&A
 |  |  |
| By Paul Coleman Psychologist Family Therapist | ||
 |
For those women who decide to become stay-at-home moms, for a year or so, or forever: Can you offer some advice about how to deal with the emotional side of becoming dependent on your partner when you have always supported yourself?
It's helpful to realize that it is not the event -- becoming a stay-at-home mom -- that is the issue. It is your interpretation of that event. If you believe that the transition makes you dependent on your partner, you first might want to challenge your basic assumptions. True, you may be "depending" on your partner for income but you are not dependent. You are capable of working if need be but you have a chosen a different, and very rewarding path. You might consider the fact that your partner is also "depending" upon you to be a wonderful, devoted mom to your child while he is at work all day. He benefits from your devotion to your child as you benefit from his working. You and your partner are not dependent but interdependent.
You need each other to perform certain tasks so that you can both have the lifestyle and home life you want. Your partner should have equal say about your child-rearing decisions and you should have equal say about spending. Also, make sure you don't talk to your partner in a manner that suggests you feel inferior. Don't say, for example, "Can we go out to dinner this weekend?" Say instead, "I'd like to go out for dinner this weekend. What do you think?" If your partner challenges your decisions on finances and says (or hints) that he is "giving" you money or that he should have more financial say-so, politely disabuse him of that notion. He is reaping a wonderful reward by having you stay at home and care for the child. And he knows you are providing his child with the most love anybody could ever give that child."
Related Expert Q&A
- My 2 1/2-year-old son cries every time his newborn brother cries. What can I do?
- Do kids need to bathe daily?
- I've been feeling a little down after giving birth to my son. The outdoors always makes me feel better. Can I take my son on a nature hike?
- How can I get my baby to sleep more soundly?
- Should I sterilize bottles and nipples in a dishwasher? Is this even necessary?
More Answers by this Expert
- How do I deal with being dependent on my partner after supporting myself for so long?
- My new baby is very fussy and not sleeping well, which is getting my wife, who is recovering from her C-section, frazzled. How can I help my wife muster the stamina to make it through this time?
- How can I stop my 4 year old from ignoring me?
- Is it appropriate for an 8-year-old girl to sleep in her father?s bed?
- My daughter recently started seeing a psychologist. Is it best she see him alone, or is family therapy more appropriate, even if the problem revolves around school?
