728x90
my iParenting
From Our Sponsors
e-newsletters
Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters

new terms of use
new privacy policy
award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Home › Mom of the Month

Daphne Rubin-Vega

By Kelly Burgess

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a mother who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a woman and a mother. Above all, the Mom of the Month is dedicated to her children. Rich or poor, famous or not, she shines as an example of what mothering is all about.

Daphne Rubin-Vega's absence from the cast of the movie version of Rent was big news when the movie was released in 2005. Her electrifying portrayal of the cat-like Mimi Marquez in the original Broadway production earned her a Tony nomination for Best Actress and, in the minds of many, irrevocably established her as only the possible choice to play Mimi in the movie. What a lot of people didn't realize was that she turned the part down because she was preparing for another role of a lifetime: motherhood.

Rubin-Vega says she turned down the movie role because she had a very definite idea of the type of mother she wanted to be after her son, Luca Ariel, was born. "I think that in a way the decision was made for me," Rubin-Vega says. "At a certain point I just realized that if the movie was going to go down according to the schedule there was no way for me to do it without cutting myself open, forgetting about breastfeeding and immediately hiring a trainer. But I wanted to follow my pregnancy up with a very specific type of motherhood, and if I'd taken the movie role that would not have been possible."

A New Role

It was not an easy decision for Rubin-Vega to make. While many women have to make tough choices regarding their careers and motherhood, it can be even more difficult for performers since they often have a relatively small window for big successes in their careers.

"I think that there's a particular quality of insecurity that a performer has whether she has children or not, and I think this is particularly true of women," Rubin-Vega says. "There are many divisions in the world of performing, but in general there are certain criteria for women: not too old, good-looking, thin, nice butt. I can't help but worry when I'm not working, but you just have to be able to push aside that insecurity and live your life."

Not that she has any regrets about giving up the part in Rent. "Being a mother is just that other place that you know is there but you can't imagine until you're there," Rubin-Vega says. "Nothing's changed, but I'm completely rearranged."

Rubin-Vega appreciated this healthy pregnancy all the more after she and her husband, Tommy Costanzo, endured several miscarriages. She worried about the outcome of this pregnancy, but found solace in her music, writing songs for her motherhood-inspired album Redemption Songs.

"The song I wrote for Luca was gestating at the same time he was, and I remember little things like little chants that just came to me from a place in my soul," Rubin-Vega says. "By the time he arrived it was like I already knew him."

Role Model

Although she gave up one significant acting job for motherhood, Rubin-Vega has no intention of giving up her career, and it's already back up to full speed. In addition to her new CD, she just finished starring in the play Everything's Turning into Beautiful, and will soon begin rehearsals for the Broadway revival of Les Mis象bles, in which she'll play Fantine.

"I love what I do for a living and I'm lucky to do what I love," Rubin-Vega says.

"My son doesn't compensate for my work; that's something different. He's my child and he's completely fulfilling in and of himself. I never intended to give up my working life."

 

Rubin-Vega's career is more than work; it's what she dreamed of doing since she was a young girl in Panama. Her mother divorced her father and moved to New York City to study to be a nurse when Rubin-Vega was 2, leaving Rubin-Vega and her brother behind. She recalls the magic of the visits to New York – FAO Schwartz and the plays and general enchantment of the city – and then the bitter sadness when she had to leave her mother and return to Panama.

Eventually, her mother was able to bring Rubin-Vega and her brother to live with her. Rubin-Vega thrived in the bohemian atmosphere of the city, sometimes sneaking out to see shows and plays that weren't necessarily appropriate for a young girl. She says she was also always performing and acting out, trying to draw attention to herself and thinking that everyone must want to be on stage and be the center of attention.

Tragically, Rubin-Vega's mother died when she was still a young teen. Rubin-Vega stayed in the city, and got her start in show business when she begged producer Arif Mardin to let her sing on the soundtrack to George Lucas' film, Labyrinth. She then became a member of the singing group Pajama Party and went on to sing and perform alone and with various groups for the next few years. Then, in 1994, she got a call to audition for the workshop of Rent. After her phenomenal run in Rent, Rubin-Vega had significant roles in several movies and plays, and in 2001, played Magenta in the Broadway version of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Since then, she's really never stopped working, "gestating" songs even while pregnant and finishing the CD after Luca was born, which worked out great for the nursing mom because she was able to have him right with her as she worked. Now that Luca's a little older, she's got a nanny to help her out and says her husband is also wonderful about juggling his schedule for work and parenthood. And, like every parent famous or not, she says Luca's grandparents love to take him for an evening so she and her husband can have a date night.

"I admit I still like to party, but I'm home a lot more now than I used to be," Rubin-Vega says. "Motherhood just has a way of re-establishing your priorities and focusing you on what's really important."



Want to see more?