Beth Randall

By iParenting Staff

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a mother who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a woman and a mother. Above all, the Mom of the Month is dedicated to her children. Rich or poor, famous or not, she shines as an example of what mothering is all about.

Beth Randall has four children. She describes the oldest three as "severely normal." Her oldest son, Neil, has graduated from college after, according to Randall, "racking up a student loan that rivals the state of Rhode Island's annual budget," and is working as a high school teacher. Amanda is 17 and studying occupational therapy at a local community college. Cassie, 15, is currently being homeschooled after she was harassed because of her mother's activism. Alex, the youngest, is now 11, and his school district refuses to provide adaptations for him to attend regular classes, Randall says.

Alex Randall has been diagnosed with Landau Kleffner syndrome variant, an epileptic disorder characterized by loss of language as well as autistic and obsessive/compulsive behaviors. He has been alternately abused and ignored in school. At one point, when he was just 8 years old, an unsupervised visit by social workers asking him about his experiences at his previous school upset him so much that he ran away from school. After the police mounted a massive search, Alex was found nearly four hours later, up to his waist in the Leaf River, about two miles from his school, his lips turning blue from the cold.

Is it any wonder that his mom, Beth, has become a Mother From Hell? Randall, of German Valley, Ill., is president of Mothers From Hell 2, a national organization dedicated to fighting for the rights of special needs children such as Alex. Mothers From Hell actively educates and supports parents who are fighting for equal educational opportunities for their children in mainstream school situations. They humorously and unabashedly describe themselves as:

"A national group of parents, relatives, friends and anyone who just plain 'gets it,' fighting chipped tooth and broken press-on nail for the appropriate education, community acceptance, desperately needed services, rights of and entitlements for individuals with disabilities. (Hey, we're moms, we can rattle off really long sentences like that without stopping!) MFH2 offers more support than a 44DD underwire and more empowerment than a tanker full of caffeine, chocolate and Viagra!"

Randall knows as well as anyone, perhaps better than anyone, how stressful it can be to have a child with special needs. To have a child with special needs who can't get the support he needs – even if it's mandated by federal law – just adds to the difficulty.

"My husband and I were divorced about five years ago, and a big part of it was the stress of how to deal with Alex," Randall says. "Going back and forth about how much we should look into diagnosis and treatment took too big of a toll."

Complicating matters was the fact that part of Alex's disorder is a sleep disorder, and he doesn't sleep for more than one half-hour at a stretch. As a result, Randall didn't sleep.

Randall stresses that there was no "fault" in the divorce, either by Alex or her husband, who is still a loving, fully-involved parent. But the constant pressure of fighting for Alex, being with Alex day and night and worrying about Alex's safety took a toll on everyone.

What turned Randall into an activist was her belief that everything shouldn't have been so difficult.

Alex's full story can be read on the MFH2 Web site at www.mothersfromhell2.org, but it's a combination of a small, poor school district unwilling to funnel financial resources toward a child with high-level special needs and a teacher who was obviously unqualified – and unwilling – to deal with Alex, Randall says.

The problem is that the school wants one solution and Randall wants another. The question is this: Which is best for the child? Unfortunately, that's a question that can't be answered with unfunded government mandates in a financially strapped school district. And that's why Randall keeps fighting.

Randall was already involved in an organization that supports parents of autistic children when she heard about Mothers From Hell. At the time, it was an organization that was on the verge of dying out. It had been started by a group of mothers in Seattle who were looking for support in their fight for disability rights. However, the children these mothers were fighting for had all grown up and moved on and their mothers were tired. They were looking for someone else to take over the organization. Randall was happy to step up to the plate.

"We provide information, and that's valuable, but there's much more to it," Randall says. "What's important to me is that parents need to know that they're not alone."

Randall particularly likes the fact that the MFH2 site offers humor as well as real-life stories of struggle. "Laughter has always been a big release for me and always will be," Randall says. "On days when I feel as if I have no more to give it helps to have a good laugh."

Surprisingly, Randall does seem to understand the school district's position. She doesn't agree with it, but she does understand it. However, to her, it's a point of view as misguided as our ideas of smoking were some years ago. Like the recent idea that smoking belongs out of the mainstream because it's harmful, she firmly believes that children like Alex belong in the mainstream because they're helpful.

"It's a matter of changing public opinion," Randall says. "If the public realizes that these kids can become responsible adults if they are given these services, they will realize that they are contributing to a healthier society."

Further, Randall points out that other children in a classroom can learn compassion and patience from having children around them who learn differently. "When a teacher adapts the learning for one or two children, the rest of the kids can learn from that as well," Randall says. "If you have more hands-on activities, visual support and tactile learning, everyone in the class will benefit, not just the special needs children."

Currently, Alex's case is being taken up by the seventh circuit court of appeals, and it will be at least six months before a ruling is made. In the meantime, she's homeschooling Alex and Cassie and running MFH2 out of her home.

"I don't see ever giving this up even when Alex no longer needs an advocate," Randall says. "I'm not just trying to make a difference for him, I'm trying to make a difference in the world."

Want to see more?

• Autism Fact Sheet: Warning Signs Every Parent Should Know
• Beyond Surprise and Shock: Learning Your Baby Has Special Needs
• Nathaniel's Story: Stepping up to the Plate for Autism
• Talk about it!