Susan Henderson

By Debora Geary

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a mother who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a woman and a mother. Above all, the Mom of the Month is dedicated to her children. Rich or poor, famous or not, she shines as an example of what mothering is all about.

Meet July's Mom of the Month, Susan Henderson, mother to Emma, this year's National Ambassador for the March of Dimes. Henderson shares why the March of Dimes is close to her heart in this unforgettable story.

At first glance, Susan Henderson has a pretty standard storybook life: a fulfilling law career, a 20-year marriage to her high school sweetheart and an absolutely beautiful daughter, Emma.

It's a story with a happy ending, but Henderson had no way of knowing that seven years ago when Emma was born three months early weighing less than 2 pounds. Doctors warned she had only a very small chance of surviving and would have a lot of problems even if she did beat the odds.

Most expectant moms spend the last few weeks of pregnancy eagerly waiting. Henderson never had that chance. She had not quite reached the 6-month mark when she suddenly went into labor. She ended up lying practically upside down in the hospital for the next 10 days, trying to delay Emma's arrival and give her a precious few more days to grow and mature.

Emma was born weighing 1 pound, 12 ounces and a tiny 13 inches long. Henderson and her husband, Jeff, spent the next 101 days in the hospital neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), watching their little girl fight to live.

In the NICU, Emma struggled with severe respiratory distress and a heart disorder and required laser surgery to save her eyesight. She had five neurosurgeries before she was a year old. Despite all of this medical intervention, the doctors continued to warn that Emma would likely be severely mentally and physically disabled.

Emma beat those odds, but the Hendersons still deal with the effects of Emma's prematurity. She lives with a permanent shunt to drain fluid off her brain and mild cerebral palsy. Her parents still hope daily for her continued healthy development.

Henderson likes to say that before her daughter was born, she lived a well planned life. "I worked hard to achieve my goals and generally succeeded," she says. "I graduated high school and college and then got married according to plan. After law school I started working with a law firm and eventually made partner according to plan. Then it was time to start our family, and I even got pregnant according to plan."

Emma's arrival shattered all the plans. "Six months into my pregnancy, my plans for my family exploded into a million pieces," she says. "During the 10 days I spent in the hospital with preterm labor before Emma was born, I was too numb and too afraid to plan from one contraction to the next."

Watching her daughter literally fight for life one minute to the next, Henderson had a life-altering realization. "Planning a life was a poor substitute for living one," Henderson says. "Now we take each day one day at a time and make sure we live it to the fullest. Even though we do plan for the future, we don't let the future plan get in the way of living in the present."

Whatever Emma's special challenges, Henderson doesn't think she's much different from any other mother. "Even though Emma has had more than her share of physical challenges, we deal with them just like any parent would deal with a bloody nose or a broken arm," Henderson says. "Except for being a little overprotective, I can't say that we've changed how we deal with her as parents just because of her physical challenges or the additional worries we've had about her mental and physical development."

A typical Saturday at the Henderson household drives that point home. Every other Saturday, Henderson's husband works until noon. "These are my and Emma's favorite Saturdays," Henderson says. "Emma and I sleep as late as she wants to. When she wakes up, she sneaks into my bedroom. Then she crawls in bed with me, and we talk about the upcoming day. Sometimes we act out an adventure under the covers, pretending that the bed is a spaceship or a submarine."

Henderson and Emma eventually dig themselves out from under the covers, eat breakfast in front of the television (a rare treat!) and usually manage to get out of their pajamas before Jeff arrives home. The rest of their day sounds equally normal – and equally wonderful. "Life with Emma is wonderful because Emma is wonderful," Henderson says.

Perhaps one of the most important lessons Henderson has learned from being a parent is to spend time just being with her child. She didn't always think this way. "When I pictured myself as a parent before Emma, my focus was not necessarily on the child but on the child's activities like rocking the baby to sleep, feeding the baby, attending soccer practice or teaching my son or daughter how to ride a bike or drive a car," she says. Henderson thinks this is typical of many parents, who get their children involved in a huge number of activities, from preschool until their kids leave home.

As an older mom, Henderson has had the opportunity to view the outcome of this high level of activity in her circle of friends. "I have friends whose children are graduating from high school or college, and some of them have realized that they have given their children every possible advantage in sports, music and academics without really giving them a sense of belonging to a family for who they are and not for what they accomplish," she says.

So Henderson has traded in activities for time. She tries to see the world through Emma's eyes. "Perhaps it is because I almost lost my daughter before I ever got to know her as her own person, but I am passionate about being with my child, helping her, listening to her and just spending time together," Henderson says.

However normal a life Henderson claims to live, this year the family has a special reminder of the circumstances of Emma's birth. Emma and her parents are the 2003 National Ambassador family for the March of Dimes. They are spending the year traveling across the country to raise awareness about the organization's mission to prevent birth defects and reduce the major causes of infant death, with a special focus on a new campaign to fight prematurity.

Henderson became involved with March of Dimes before Emma was born. "A law partner of mine had been asked by a March of Dimes volunteer to consider joining the board," she says. "The law partner was not married at the time, had no children and did not want to ever have children. He suggested that the March of Dimes volunteer talk to me instead. The mission of the March of Dimes had immediate appeal for me. Who wouldn't want to help save babies?" It became a lot more personal when one of the babies they helped save was Emma.

This year, as they travel the country with their daughter, Henderson and her husband have balanced work, parenting and their extraordinary volunteer commitment. In spite of the juggling act, Henderson has loved the time with Emma. "We have had a wonderful and meaningful family vacation this year traveling across the United States and being able to help the March of Dimes make a difference in the lives of babies," she says.

Henderson is enjoying the experience of helping the March of Dimes put a face on infant prematurity. She says that Emma is just one face among many. "Emma's story is no more or less special than hundreds of thousands of other stories of premature babies that can and should be told," she says. Perhaps. But it seems like Emma has been blessed by good fortune – and a pretty amazing mom.

SAH Mom	Working Mom
SAH Dad	Working Dad
Adoptive Parent	Grandparent
Parent of Twins	Special Needs Parent

Susan Henderson

By Debora Geary

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