Sheila Dutton

By Kelly Burgess

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a mother who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a woman and a mother. Above all, the Mom of the Month is dedicated to her children. Rich or poor, famous or not, she shines as an example of what mothering is all about.

Meet June's Mom of the Month, Sheila Dutton, mother to seven biological children and six adopted children, who also runs a successful business in Missouri's booming entertainment capital. Dutton shares how she does it all with unequaled aplomb.

Branson, Mo., is known as a family-friendly place, but it's unlikely there's a friendlier family in this entertainment mecca than the Duttons.

As owners of the Dutton Family Theater Complex, which includes a theater, hotel and deli, there's always a Dutton around somewhere. Matriarch of this large clan – which includes seven biological children, six recently adopted children, five grandchildren (with several more expected within a few months) and their assorted spouses – is Sheila Dutton, who manages to keep it together with a calm voice, strong faith and a firm hand.

Some years ago Dutton was in a supermarket with her four oldest children, all under age 5, when a man asked her if she'd ever heard of family planning. "Yes," she replied. "And I'm about halfway through with planning mine."

She wasn't joking. Dean and Sheila Dutton went on to have three more children in the next four years, not realizing they were building not just a family, but also a family music business.

It didn't start that way, of course. Originally, the children started taking violin lessons simply because their parents felt it would teach them the value of discipline and hard work. All of the children turned out to be quite talented, not only on a variety of instruments, but as vocalists.

The Duttons life's work coalesced when the children came to Dean and Sheila one day and told them they wanted to form a bluegrass band and hoped their parents would become involved. Dean had some musical background and played rhythm guitar, but Dutton had never learned to play an instrument. The kids, needing a bass player, persuaded her to try it, and she began taking bass lessons at age 37. She soon was performing with the family. They began touring in the late 1980s, then settled in Branson in 1997 where they purchased the Boxcar Willie Theater when the country music legend's health began to fail.

But they didn't let fame go to their heads. The hardworking clan still does everything from the glamour work to the grunt work.

By the turn of the 21st century, it seemed that the halcyon years had arrived for Dean and Sheila Dutton. All seven of their children had become successful, talented adults. They were enjoying their grandchildren and looking forward to having more.

All the while Sheila and Dean enjoyed a home free of the constant bustle that had for so many years been part of having a large family. The couple was even considering a partial retirement to spend more time in quieter pursuits and to take the opportunity for more reasonable bedtimes rather than their 1 a.m. norm after a night of shows.

Then, in April 2001, after an exhausting performance, a woman from the audience approached Dutton. She said she didn't even know why she was talking to Dutton, but for some reason felt moved to tell her the story of her new daughter and show her some pictures.

The woman had adopted a little girl from Kazakhstan in the former Soviet Union. During the process she discovered the little girl had four siblings left in the orphanage. The pictures she showed Sheila were of the brothers and sisters, and the story the woman told brought tears to Dutton's eyes.

When the woman arrived to pick up her new daughter, she had given the little girl an apple and a pair of slippers. The child told her she had to ask her oldest brother's permission before she could leave. Gravely, he gave his permission, and before she left, she gave him both the apple and the slippers, explaining to her new mother that she was sure she could get more in America, but her brother would never have that chance. Sheila was moved by the story, but didn't really know if there was anything she could do.

"I told the woman we were too old and too busy and that the theater was no environment for a bunch of kids, but I told her if she wanted to leave the pictures I would see what I could do," Dutton says. "The next morning I woke up with these children on my mind, and it stayed with me for two days. In my heart, I knew they would never get adopted because they were just too old and had been in [the] orphanage too long."

Weighing even more heavily on her was what the woman had told Dutton about life in Kazakhstan. Even adult men have a hard time making a living. When orphan children turn 18 and are turned out of their orphanages, there is nothing for them and they have a difficult time just staying alive, reported the woman. For two days Dutton waited, hoping the feeling would go away. Finally, she gave in and talked to Dean, telling him this had been heavy on her heart and that she felt they were meant to help those kids.

Dean was very honest, says Dutton. He said he didn't really want to do it because he was enjoying finally have a quiet house. Dutton had her own doubts. "I had already raised seven children and was glad to have it all behind me," she says. "But the more I thought about this, the more I felt it was meant to be."

When they gathered the family together to tell them of their decision, Dutton was afraid the children would think she had lost her mind, but they were incredibly supportive. Dutton was so gratified, because they had many legitimate concerns – from their inheritance, which they had worked very hard to build, to making time for young children. She says she was amazed and moved by her children's willingness to help out and do whatever was necessary to make this happen.

During the time they were waiting for the paperwork to go through to adopt the four siblings, a local organization hosted a camp for overseas orphans who were older and had little chance to find families. One of the Dutton boys, Benjamin, was volunteering, and one day he came home with 13-year-old Anastasia, a Russian orphan, explaining that her host family had fallen through and asking if she could stay with Sheila and Dean. They were glad to have her. So glad that after three weeks they couldn't imagine life without her and decided to adopt her as well. On their way to pick up the four Kazakhstan children, Sheila and Dean stopped off at Anastasia's orphanage outside of Moscow to pay her a visit. The child was visibly distressed, and they soon found out why.

She had an older brother, Yuri. He had been classified as having "a moronity in the ogliphrenia," but in reality was a charming 17-year-old who wanted nothing but the best for his little sister. There was no doubt in the Duttons' mind that they would take him as well.

They may have started 2001 as empty nesters, but by the end of that year they once again had a house full of children. Dutton says it was a big adjustment for all of them but worth it in every way.

Raising her adopted children, who range in age from 10 to 18, is very different from the experience she had raising her biological children. By the time they came to live with her, most of the children had already gone through puberty and, by that time it can become difficult to bond. Dutton found it important to instill a sense of responsibility in her children from Russia and Kazakhstan.

"I thought when they got something they would be fiercely protective of it because they never had anything before," Dutton says. "Instead, nothing meant anything to them. They would just leave stuff lying on the floor and didn't take care of anything. I guess it's because no one ever taught them how."

To help teach them, the Duttons have given each of the children a job in the theater complex and require them to pay for their own clothing and luxury items in an attempt to teach them value. It's a lesson her biological children learned from a very early age and one any child could benefit from, adopted or not, Dutton says.