Kerri Charette

By Kelly Burgess

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a mother who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a woman and a mother. Above all, the Mom of the Month is dedicated to her children. Rich or poor, famous or not, she shines as an example of what mothering is all about.

Meet December's Mom of the Month, Kerri Charette, of Ledyard, Conn., who along with her husband has one adopted child and will soon start the process of adopting another.

What Charette would like everyone to know is that adoption isn't something people should consider only if they can't have children of their own. Rather, everyone should think of adoption simply because there are so many children that need loving homes. She should know. She adopted her daughter, Joy, after giving birth to four children.

Charette is the fourth of five siblings and knew from a very young age that she wanted a big family. Although her family moved around a lot, following Charette's father's naval postings, they eventually settled in Connecticut and she graduated from the University of Connecticut in 1992 with a degree in elementary education. A month later, she married her high school sweetheart, Brian. Shortly after that, she found her dream job teaching kindergarten.

"I absolutely loved teaching, and I seemed particularly drawn to those children in foster care," Charette says. "I also became fascinated by families that had adopted." In 1994, the Charette's first child, Andrew, was born. They wanted to have a big family and for their children to be closely spaced, so Charette became pregnant again before Andrew was a year old. She had thought her second pregnancy would be as easy as her first, but she ended up on bed rest.

To complicate matters, after Matt was born, he had to be hospitalized for six weeks. The cumulative experience left Charette with a severe case of post-partum depression and she needed to seek help and counseling, which she credits with getting her through that difficult period.

Although the Charettes had wanted their children closely spaced, her brush with post-partum depression shook Charette up enough that she decided to wait a while before trying for another pregnancy. She continued to teach, and she and Brian bought a bigger house. When Matt was 4, Christopher was born, and once again Charette struggled with post-partum depression – something she hadn't expected would happen again. At this point, the Charettes began to kick around the idea of adoption, simply because they still wanted a bigger family and yet didn't want to risk a more severe case of depression.

In spite of their misgivings, Charette became pregnant yet again, giving birth to Summer when Chris was just a year old. Again, she suffered through post-partum depression. And yet the Charettes still didn't feel their family was complete. "We had already looked into adoption and it just seemed right," Charette says.

One thing Charette says she often hears from women who want to adopt after having biological children is that their husbands are not enthusiastic about the idea. Brian Charette went through a phase of doubting the idea as well, but, as he told Kerri, he couldn't think of a single reason not to adopt except minor ones, such as the difficulty of taking vacations with young children.

The Charettes started the adoption process when Summer was just 6 months old, thinking it would take a while. Much to their surprise, a 7-month-old girl became available very shortly after their approvals came through. It was also a complex situation. The birth mother was a Connecticut resident who had arranged for her child to be adopted by a family in Washington. At the six-month review, the adoption agency discovered that the adoptive family had not been truthful in their initial application and the baby was taken away. The birth mother was called in to help find a new family, and she chose the Charettes. Brian Charette flew to Washington to pick up the baby.

"When Brian brought Joy to me it was the most amazing experience of my life," Charette says. "I gave birth to the other four, but he presented her to me. It was very emotional to be given a baby by my husband."

Adopting Joy opened Charette's eyes to some realities about adoption. For one thing, she learned that the adoption process is not as daunting as she had always believed. However, she was also shocked both at the cost and at the sheer numbers of children available for adoption that are perhaps older children or special needs children or in foster care. She wanted to do something to help these children.

Charette was already an avid volunteer and advocate. After retiring following the birth of Christopher, she had edited an anthology of humorous parenting stories called Misadventures of Moms and Disasters of Dads (Moms In Print, 2004), with part of the proceeds going toward breast cancer research. She was also active in her local women's club. She began to volunteer at the Child Adoption Resource Association Inc. (www.adoptacarakid.org) and they asked her to host a weekly program for public access television called Families in the Making.

The educational aspect of the program is important to Charette because she feels that many people are intimidated by adoption and don't have all the facts. "I'm particularly interested in raising awareness about adopting foster children because that's a population that really needs a family," Charette says. "It costs almost nothing to adopt a child in foster care, and the government will often help financially with the child until he or she is 18 years old."

The Charettes are once again considering adoption, probably of a foster child. Then, she says, her family will be complete with six children, although she adds that the adoption of Joy is such an open situation with the young birth mother, Hope, that she almost feels as if Hope is her sixth child.

"I love and cherish all my children but feel in my heart and home there's more room," Charette says. "And just like with a biological child when you first find out that you're pregnant, when you hear you've been matched with an adoption, that baby is yours in your heart."