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The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Felicia Stoler
By Kelly Burgess
Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a mother who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a woman and a mother. Above all, the Mom of the Month is dedicated to her children. Rich or poor, famous or not, she shines as an example of what mothering is all about.
Felicia Stoler practices what she preaches. Host of TLC's groundbreaking show, Honey We're Killing the Kids, she makes sure her own two children's meal and snack options are healthy and that the portions are reasonable. They also make exercise and sports activities a priority.
Stoler knows from her own childhood that mindless eating habits and a lack of physical activity can lead to weight problems that can seriously impact mobility and health. In her own family there were weight issues that made such an impact on her that it still influences her career and her own family's lifestyle.
College is a revelation for most kids in many ways, but for Stoler the most startling revelation was how narrow her food choices had been all her life. It was the first time she realized how mindlessly people could eat when they got into ruts and habits.
"When I was a kid every meal was pretty much made up of the same basic ingredients," Stoler says. "You had to always make a meat, starch and vegetable and then eat it whether you liked it or not. When I went to college and had the opportunity to make changes and eat different foods it was just a revelation to me. I started to explore different cuisines and was well on my way to becoming a foodie."
After graduating from college Stoler moved to New York and went to work for the ABC News licensing division. Her plan at that time was to get a master's in journalism and become a journalist, moving around, and up, at ABC. Then, the more she thought about it, the more she realized she wanted to go to school for something she was really passionate about, which was diet and exercise. So, while working full time, she went for her double master's in nutrition and exercise science.
During this time, still working for ABC News, Stoler started doing media work, including becoming involved in Dateline NBC's first weight loss challenge. She heard about casting for Honey We're Killing the Kids through the grapevine and submitted a reel. The first time they cast for the show she wasn't chosen, but when the original host didn't work out, the folks in the casting department came calling on the attractive dietitian with the impressive credentials.
By the time Stoler got the Honey We're Killing the Kids gig, she had two children, Isabella, now 9, and Zachary, now 6, and was deeply involved in the reality of juggling motherhood, a career and a continuing education.
"I knew I wanted to be firm in my message, but I also wanted to balance that message with compassion," Stoler says. "I knew from personal experience that it can be hard to incorporate health habits into a life where you're constantly on the run or exhausted from everything that's going on. However, it needed to be said that it can be done, that a healthy lifestyle can be fit into a busy lifestyle, and that this is something that must be done, because we're probably not going to get any less busy, but we will get less healthy if we don't address these issues."
What Stoler passed on to the families she intervened with, and to her viewers, and what she passes on to her individual patients is this: It starts at the top with the parents.
"Most of the families I worked with, the parents were overweight as well and they would tell me stories of their own struggles," Stoler says. "Any help you give a family has to include everyone because it won't work unless the entire family works together. You can't expect your kids to eat healthy if all you eat is junk, but by the same token you can't eat healthfully and let your kids eat junk. It all has to be a part of the entire family's lifestyle."
Stoler's prescription for a healthy lifestyle is fairly simple – lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grain, moderate amounts of healthy protein, such as chicken and fish, and plenty of exercise. Make better fat choices, such as skim milk for whole, and high-quality cheeses rather than processed cheeses.
And, Stoler emphasizes, exercise comes in many forms. This single mother of two thinks kids today are getting too much of a free ride when it comes to helping keep up the house. In addition to more traditional activities, such as sports teams and athletics, she urges parents to give the kids chores. Make them help with the vacuuming, cleaning and yard work. It not only helps to keep them in shape, it helps build a sense of responsibility and ownership of the family home.
Stoler knows this isn't always easy, but she thinks any busy mom can achieve it by taking a hard look at the schedule and incorporating some time management skills. For example, shop while the kids are in a class or activity, talk on the phone while taking a walk, cluster errands and choose only the activities that can realistically be done.
Her most important plan is food. Take an hour or so out of one weekend day or one evening to plan food for the week, to divide up healthy snacks into small serving sizes so that the kids or parents can just grab them. Keep water bottles handy. This will cut down on those impromptu trips through the fast food line or the convenience store. Most importantly, let the kids help so they feel they have food choices and are an integral part of what goes into their bodies. Stoler knows it will work for other families, because it works for her.
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