Marlowe Bechmann

By Melinda Copp

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a mother who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a woman and a mother. Above all, the Mom of the Month is dedicated to her children. Rich or poor, famous or not, she shines as an example of what mothering is all about.

Music has the power to bring people together and bridge communication gaps, and no one knows this better than Marlowe Bechmann.

Bechmann and her husband, Chuck, live with their two daughters, Lila and Delia, near Dallas. In 1999 her first daughter, Lila, was born. As a classically trained pianist and lover of music, Bechmann naturally soothed her baby with songs. At that time, her best friend, Lizzie Swan, who is also a musician, was doing the same thing with her new baby – singing to her the way mothers have always sung to their little ones. But for Bechmann and Lizzie, the songs grew into more than just lullabies shared between mother and child.

These two musical moms teamed up, started writing and recording their songs together and the Swingset Mamas were born. The Swingset Mamas wrote songs to capture the universal bliss and frustration that goes with parenting – first words, first steps and all the day-to-day ups and downs in between. They recorded their first five songs as gifts for family and friends, but soon word started to spread and other parents, grandparents and educators started requesting their music.

So the Mamas kept writing songs and sharing their music. And they found that songs were often the answer to everyday parenting challenges, such as getting kids to buckle up in the car, clean up their toys and get dressed for the day.

"My mom was a first-grade teacher, and she always used to sing to me," Bechmann says. "But moms today seem to have gotten away from that – music is seen as something passive that you listen to, rather than something you do."

The Swingset Mamas used their songs as a way to bring families together through singing, dancing and enjoying music. But for Bechmann and her family, the Swingset Mamas' music soon grew in importance.

At 2, Lila seemed to be a normal toddler – she was walking and talking, meeting all her developmental milestones. Then the lights just went out. Lila, who at one time could say close to 200 different words, seemed to shut down. When Lila was diagnosed with autism, Bechmann wondered if her little girl would ever be able to enjoy the music that had been so important to her ever again.

"When Lila was 9 months old I wrote a song called 'Oh My Child,'" Bechmann says.

The song went:

"Oh my child everybody is different, in the way they see their reality ... but I will always love you, whoever you wanna be."

"I had no idea how true that would be," Bechmann says.

Autism is a mysterious neurological disorder that affects each person who has it a little differently. For many families, the symptoms are apparent almost at birth – the baby avoiding eye contact, not responding to Mom's voice and becoming agitated by certain sensations. But some kids, like Lila, seem to develop normally and then suddenly withdraw around 2 years of age. According to the Autism Society of America, about one in every 150 kids has autism.

But instead of giving up on music as a way to connect with her daughter, Bechmann adapted her approach to make the songs more accessible to Lila. "When Lila, who is now 9, was diagnosed with autism, I started pairing visuals and American Sign Language with the music to try to connect with her," she says. "I quickly found that it really worked for my typical daughter and other kids too!"

Now the Swingset Mamas have expanded their message of connecting families with music to include the message of autism awareness and inclusion within the community. And Bechmann has worked especially hard within her own community to spread this message.

"For the last four years, I have been running an after-school program promoting interaction and awareness of special needs children in blended groups," Bechmann says. "And I have seen firsthand the lessons special needs children teach all of us about inclusion and acceptance of all kinds of people."

The after-school program, called the Dragon Pals, involves all the special needs kids at Lila and Delia's elementary school, plus two kids from each special needs child's homeroom class. The club uses music and sign language to promote acceptance, friendship and awareness of differences between people. The program has been so successful that Bechmann started an annual National Inclusion Week that involves everyone at the school.

"When I started National Inclusive Schools week for the 475 kids at our elementary school, I worked with Lizzie to write 'Take a Walk in Someone Else's Shoes' as a way to get across the message of autism awareness and inclusion of all special needs children," Bechmann says. "The children have loved performing this song with the real American Sign Language and it becomes very powerful."

As their kids grew, the Swingset Mamas kept making music. They have two albums under their belts, and they've performed in schools and at family festivals across the country. Their second CD, Dance Around the House, and their latest DVD, Swing, Dance and Sing, have both won iParenting Media and other awards. The DVD, which was released earlier this year, has already received rave reviews. And their song, "Sunscreen Dance," was chosen as the theme song for the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency's Sunwise Education Program. In the coming months, they'll be playing Mamapalooza in New York City and the Crawfish Festival in Augusta, N.J.

But for Bechmann, the music is still all about family. When the kids are out of school, they tour right along with Mom. And when they aren't working and touring, the Bechmann family spends their spare time together making music and playing games. Their favorite family memory is a recent trip to South Padre Island for spring break, where they went parasailing and spent time on the beach.

The most important value for the Bechmann family is respect – respect for themselves and respect for others, no matter how different someone may appear on the surface. She has raised her daughters to appreciate their own differences, and differences in other people as well. And her music and after-school program have helped her reach out to the community and spread this message of inclusion.

"For me, motherhood and music have always gone hand in hand," Bechmann says. Parenting both a special needs child and a typical child has given her perspective and a mission to guide each daughter toward her place in the world. Taking this mission outside her own home and into the community through songs and music has allowed everyone around her the opportunity to walk in different shoes.

Want to see more?

• Autism Fact Sheet: Warning Signs Every Parent Should Know
• Rebecca Frezza: Making Music a Family Affair
• An Attack on Autism: Early Diagnosis, Genetics and Intervention
• Talk about it!