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Michelle Duggar

By Shannon McKelden

Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a mother who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a woman and a mother. Above all, the Mom of the Month is dedicated to her children. Rich or poor, famous or not, she shines as an example of what mothering is all about.

Imagine having a family large enough for two baseball teams – with a coach for each! That's about to be the case for the Duggar family. When Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar married in 1984, they had no plans to have such an enormous family. Twenty-four years later, Michelle is due to deliver her 18th child in January 2009.

When the Duggars made the decision to allow God to design their family's size, they never expected it to grow so large. But they have no regrets. "It is fun spending time with 19 of your best friends," Duggar says. "It is a blast everywhere we go. There is never a dull moment!"

A "Typical" Day

The Duggar children, including two sets of twins, range in age from 20 years to 17 months, and will have a new baby sister soon, bringing the family total to 20, a number most of us couldn't fathom. But the Duggar's faith in God and determination makes it work for them.

"At first our families had a lot of concerns for my health and how would we be able to take care of and support our family, but over the years they have warmed up to the idea and have been understanding about our heart commitment to love children like God loves children," Duggar says.

And love them they do! Making the children their priority allows the Duggars to raise happy, intelligent and talented members of society. Homeschooled by Mom, each child learns to play violin and piano, and everyone participates in keeping the household running smoothly – cleaning, cooking and the older kids helping care for a younger sibling or two via a "buddy" system.

"We have a master schedule of each family member's responsibilities displayed on our kitchen wall," says Duggar, attributing the idea to Maxwell's "Managers of Their Homes" (www.titus2.com). "For each month, we also have individual daily checklists which cover schoolwork, chores, music lessons and personal hygiene. These were designed by Daddy so we could see at a glance how each child is doing. These checklists enable us to keep our children accountable and also reward them accordingly."

And though this family runs like a well-oiled – occasionally squeaky – machine, there is plenty of time for spontaneity. "We have goals, but then we have reality!" Duggar says. "We are learning to practice flexibility! Sometimes we have 'Daddy Days' when Daddy overrides the schedule and takes the children out for family time, a field trip or a service project. We try to make each day fun."

The hardest thing about raising kids is keeping up with their hearts. "We try to have regular talks with each one individually on a weekly basis," Duggar says. "It is important to learn how to ask the right questions and not have a condemning spirit. They need to know they have a safe place to share their hopes and dreams, challenges and mistakes. This creates a very close relationship."

In the current economy, it would seem impossible to support such a large family. The Duggars, believe it or not, are debt-free, living in a 7,000-square-foot home. Both licensed real estate agents, whose primary income comes from sales and rentals, they've also owned businesses from a used car lot to a towing company, and have even been involved in politics (Jim Bob served two terms as an Arkansas State Representative).

While many families struggle, the Duggars have learned to thrive. They pay cash for everything, including their 15-passenger van, a bus and an RV they use for family trips. Their vehicles are never new and usually have more than 100,000 miles on them. They've learned to perform their own maintenance, too.

"In order to stretch our dollars we shop at thrift stores for clothes and shoes," Duggar says. "For food, we shop at box grocery stores which don't have the frills, but pass the savings on. We also buy industrial size canned food wholesale at a local canning company store."

But most of their success comes from their commitment to living debt-free. "Our family motto is 'Buy used and save the difference,'" Duggar says.

After so many births, Duggar has done it all – home births and hospital births, both vaginal and by C-section. She has nursed almost all of her children, and she's seen a lot of change in the field of obstetrics over the years. Despite having had a lot of practice at giving birth, Duggar still feels the nerves just like every other mom.

"As we approach the birth of our 18th, there are still the concerns of the unknowns such as the labor and delivery," Duggar says. "Each one has been different, but having had the experience over and over does help some. Each time we have prayed for the health of Mom and Baby, and asked for a healthy, easy delivery. (As much as possible when we're talking about labor!)"

Since giving birth to her first child in 1988, medicine has evolved. "I would say the greatest change that I have seen in the field of obstetrics, and I might add that it is very troubling to me, is the idea that once you've had a C-section you must have a C-section for any other pregnancy," says Duggar, who out of 15 labors has only had two C-sections, one with her first set of twins 18 years ago, and one with their now 4-year-old son. "All the rest have been vaginal births, 13 of which have been [by] VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean). We're hoping to have another VBAC with this delivery."

Duggar feels strongly that women should be allowed a trial of labor if they choose and recommends the organization ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) for more information. "We are thankful our hospital allows trying a VBAC as long as they have an anesthesiologist on hand in case there is an emergency," she says.

While it's unlikely the Duggars feel like celebrities, their unusual family has certainly made them famous. After reading about them in a magazine, Discovery Health Channel asked to do a documentary about the family.

"We prayed about it and felt this would be an opportunity to share with the world that children are a blessing from God," Duggar says. They now have a reality TV series on TLC called 17 and Counting and also share their family on their Web site, www.duggarfamily.com.

Recently they ventured into publication. The Duggars: 20 and Counting, Raising one of America's Largest Families, How They Do It (Howard Books, 2008) is an in-depth look into the Duggar family. "We have received thousands of e-mails over the last several years and it has been impossible to answer all of the questions of how and why we live the life that we live," Duggar says. "Our prayer is that it will encourage families of all sizes to individually seek after a deep relationship with God and give practical tips to help strengthen their families."

Michelle Duggar delivered her 18th child, a baby girl, on December 18, 2008. Jordyn-Grace Makiya was delivered by C-section and weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces, and was 20 inches long. The Duggars now have 10 sons and eight daughters.

Want to see more?

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• Talk about it!