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Dr. Shelly Vaziri Flais
By Kelly Burgess
Each month, iParenting.com spotlights a mother who inspires and moves us, who embodies the qualities that we all admire in a person, a woman and a mother. Above all, the Mom of the Month is dedicated to her children. Rich or poor, famous or not, she shines as an example of what mothering is all about.
What Dr. Shelly Vaziri Flais really wants moms to know about her is that she understands their struggles and challenges, perhaps even better than most people.
Dr. Flais is a pediatrician, a mother of four, including a set of twins, writes a blog called "A Pediatrician Mom of Twins" (http://pediatricianmomoftwins.blogspot.com) and is the author of Raising Twins: From Pregnancy to Preschool (AAP). She wrote it from her heart and her experience, while parenting Matthew, 7, Andrew and Ryan, 5, and Nancy, 3. Yes, that's four kids in four years, which she says gives her "street cred" as a mom and author.
After she had the twins, she realized her experience could act as a guide and as reassurance for other new parents. "I found that so much of those early months was just surviving day to day and required strategizing and simplifying," says Dr. Flais. "I thought someone really needed to put this out there for new parents."
She's pleased that her book is being published under the respected auspices of the American Academy of Pediatrics, but she also wants parents to see that she's really living this life and not speaking from an ivory tower. She hopes her frequent blog posts, dealing with everyday problems and issues, will show parents that she relates to them.
Dr. Flais was already dating Michael, an allergist, and they got married when she was near the end of medical school. Matthew was born in the last few months of her pediatrics residency training. She started her clinical practice shortly thereafter, and continued working until the twins were toddlers. Then it just got to be too much.
"Mike and I both wanted one of us to actively parent our kids, so there was a lot of juggling and not a lot of couple time," says Dr. Flais. "It was great for the kids because they always got to be with a parent and it gave me the perspective of being a working mom, but once you hit that three-child mark things get a little more complicated."
They talked about hiring a nanny, but decided that they'd be more comfortable if she took a break for a couple of years from her clinical practice. And, while she was off anyway, they added one more child to the family. Dr. Flais laughingly notes that two wonderful things came out of her work hiatus – Nancy and the book.
Setting an Example"He came from a large family and I met them early on and saw how great he was with children," says Dr. Flais. "It was a major root of our coming together; loving children and wanting to be a parent."
Wanting to pass on some of those traditional parenting ideas was another impetus for writing the book, but so was the desire to be a reassuring voice in a sea of books that seemed to wallow in the worst-case scenario.
"I did not appreciate how much of the information in these books was quite doom and gloom," says Dr. Flais. "It is important to be aware of the risks and to know when to call the doctor, but the fact is that most twin pregnancies proceed smoothly and end up fine. I felt as a woman with twins I needed to be a cheerleader. I've lived the life; it's fun and it's doable. Yes, it's a challenge, but anything worth doing is a challenge."
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