728x90
my iParenting
From Our Sponsors
e-newsletters
Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters

new terms of use
new privacy policy
award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.

news | recalls | resources & tools | commmunity

Welcome to the Sound Off Discussion Board, where parents from all walks of life and all parts of the world come together in one place to share their opinions and thoughts about the question of the week. Please remember that everyone is entitled to their opinion and the freedom to express it. Obscene posts are unwelcome and shall be removed from the board. Please keep in mind that this is a public board. Never post personal information that you would be uncomfortable sharing with others. Comments about this board should be sent to iParenting's Webmaster. Thank you for contributing! If you have a suggestion for the question of the week, send it to feedback@iparenting.com.

In an article in the April/May issue of new teen magazine, Teen Vogue, the author casually uses the word "wifebeaters" to describe the white tank top shirts teen singer Avril Levinge incorporates into her wardrobe. Is this an acceptable word to use in a teen magazine? Why or why not?

For archived topics, click here.

i'm baaaaaack!
hi LH and everyone else. wow, with moving i suffered from iparenting withdrawal big time! lol! but some things just don't change, i see RILEY is still getting riled up about everything and picking fights. CHILL OUT RILEY!! good grief, you need a massage or some serious lovin' for stress relief...

LH sorry i didn't get a chance to email you before i cut off my email account. i will have my new one up and running in a couple of days. i'm in vermont right now (freezing my butt off) but on sunday i head back to my WARM little island home!
so i will email you then! but for now i will see you here!



j-mo
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 23:16:37 (EDT)
http://www.madblast.com/view.cfm?type=FunFlash&display=2224
funny
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 21:27:43 (EDT)
I hope I didn't scare off RILEYSMOMMY...sorry ladies!
duke
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 20:45:36 (EDT)
Old bag my ass! What is all this crap? And I have no clue what the address (inline something!) means cauz' I didn't post it!

Thanx Dara..Oh I know about hairspray-LOL-and air freshner works good sometimes too! Well, I'm gonna' go do my nails!tee-hee!
LH
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 19:24:10 (EDT)
LH,

In regards to spiders...HAIRSPRAY! It kills them quickly. Spiders breathe through pores in the body, and hairspray clogs their pores so they can't breath. :)I've used it for years, and it works quickly. The cheaper the hairspray, the better.

Dara
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 18:06:36 (EDT)
http://www.inlinewarehouse.com/descpage.html?PCODE=SWBS
LH
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 17:34:28 (EDT)
Wifebeater must be a white trash term.
Jane
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 17:33:29 (EDT)
Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.
***********************************
Malcolm X
ICEYB*TCH
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 17:26:34 (EDT)
New question, PLEASE, before one of these old bags breaks a nail !!
GnarlyFarley
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 17:19:24 (EDT)
JMO...where are you?? In between moves, I guess? (My email I sent to you was returned default)HURRY BACK!!
LH
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:31:03 (EDT)
We took our daughter to Disneyworld when she was 5, and although she needed some naps a few of the days, she was really good and enjoyed it. Have fun
Lyne
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:27:51 (EDT)
Wow!KERRI, lucky you! Sounds like a much deserved vacation! Just remember to take a few pit stops here and there to give everyone a rest..then off to play somemore! (Can you tell I am in desprite need of a vacation myself?!LOL!
Have lots of FUN!!!!
LH
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 16:25:37 (EDT)
LH and Duke...thanks for your input. We are going to go to Disney Land AND Universal Studios and just pray she is ok behavior wise. If we can't do everything, that is ok...for who knows when next we will be in California? Plus, we get a military discount at those theme parks, so that will help!
kerri
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:53:02 (EDT)
Oh my Lord, the things people come up with just to have a thing to bitch about.

I have heard "tank tops" being called "wife beaters" for years. My husband even calls them "wife beaters".

I think people are just trying to find a reason to criticize the way kids dress nowadays, so they pounce on the first "derogatory" term they can find.

Get over it, y'all. You don't hear the girl who played Daisy Duke on the Dukes of Hazzard complaining about ass-hugging shorts being named after the character she portrayed.

Dallas
email: shortbiscuit83@aol.com
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:18:09 (EDT)
KERRI...We took our daughter to Disney World in FLA when she was 5 and had a wonderful time! With toddlers there will be some things you can't do or rides you can't go on, but there are so many other things to enjoy! (And lots of stuff geared toward every age group!) We stayed at the Beach and Yacht Club Resort which was located right on the park grounds. It was nice to be able to walk to most anything or take a trolley--that helps out alot when you have young kids! So many great memories from that trip...I'm ready to go back again! (Epcot was my favorite!!)

LYNE...spiders just freak me out majorly!!! And YES I killed it! I surely wouldn't have gotten to sleep tonite knowing it was crawling around my bedroom...YUCK!!! Do you do the "spider dance" when you see one??? You know, the one where you shiver and jump around abit from seeing the spider---it's a woman thang!! LOL!!!
LH
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:15:03 (EDT)
I personally do not think that the term wife beater (for the shirt) is bad because everyone knows what it means, it's not saying, "GO OUT THERE AND BEAT YOUR WIVES!" All it's doing is being a shirt. If you want my opinion I do not think that the term wife beater for a shirt is a bad thing!
Jessey
email: dtownblondey14@yahoo.com
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 13:22:48 (EDT)
People are just too sensitive about everything in today's day and age. I am so sick of hearing about being "politically correct". In my state, Louisiana, some idiot even was offended because we're called the Sportsman's Paradise and she wanted to change it to Sportsperson's Paradise!! It's getting totally ridiculous.
Laurie Nicholas
email: gabnsmom@bellsouth.net
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 13:03:51 (EDT)
Hi Duke,

David is awesome to debate with. He is the only "left" leaning person i have ever heard who can actually argue with facts and not emotion, a trait that is very rare among the lefties. I hope he pops up soon. Even though my views are on the other side of the spectrum from his, I always learn a little something from him. :)




PJB
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 12:33:02 (EDT)
KERRI...I would bring your kid to Disney World...they have lots of characters walking around the park taking pictures with the kids...if nothing else, you will love the memories you can get from pictures!
duke
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 12:06:12 (EDT)
Good morning ladies, I wasn't planning on coming back but since my co worker said I was requested...here I am! #1 RILEYSMOMMY...where are you? I still want to know what kind of company you "run".
#2. Yes, I wrote my statement the wrong way...it is the ultra "liberals" who seem to be going to the extreme...the Politically correctness world is their game...not the conservatives...my appologies. We have much more important things to worry about in life other than how we talk...or the words we use.

I was also looking into past topics and saw a topic I would LOVE to get involved with if I can find DAVID...the Afirmative Action topic is near and dear to my heart...you up for it DAVID?
duke
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 12:03:40 (EDT)
Per Dukes' posts yesterday... am I wrong in the observation that the people here who lean toward "conserative" ideals tend to have the "who cares, its just a shirt" attitude? If so, Duke was mistaken when he said it was the conservatives who need to chill out.
PJB
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 11:37:40 (EDT)
OMG LH, I am so petrified of spiders! There was one in my office at work, and I swear to you it WAS pregnant it was so big! YUC Did you kill it?
Lyne
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 11:35:53 (EDT)
Whew! Taking a short break from chores here...spent a good half hour or so this morning chasing around a very, large, fat,hairy SPIDER! I am absolutely terrified of the darn things and eventually sucked him up with the sweeper! (And the whole while, doin' the "spider dance" as my friend who is equally afraid calls it!)LOLOLOL! Anyone else familiar with that?

I scrolled back abit and was reading your post DUKE...while I don't consider myself ultra-conservative at all (yikes!sooo far from it!!) is this website really getting that popular?? Are we becomming the topic of discussion at the noontime water-cooler? Just wondering...heck maybe someone will write a book---LOL--I've got dibs on the movie rights!!LOL!!! :-)
LH
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 11:16:33 (EDT)
Rileys Mom,

I was really hoping for a response to the post that I addressed to you yesterday. I am not being sarcastic. i really would like to know your position on WHERE we draw the line?

PJB
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 09:36:23 (EDT)
Oh definatley other posters here think that the term should not be used. But, Riley seems to bash everyone that doesnt have the same opinion as she does. Not everyone is going to agree, and why should we? BUT, Riley really needs to take her prozac and chill out for a while.
Lyne
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 08:08:02 (EDT)
Morning Shawanda!(We are the earlybirds! Daughter went back to school today after a very short spring break due to snowdays this winter-YEAH!She was drivin' me nuts anyways!)

Glad you liked my post! :-)
My parents grew up in the 30s&40s in southern Kentucky, so I grew up listening to alot of words I found offensive, if you know what I mean! My grandmother was even worse!Whew, I used to get so mad at them! Being a child of the 70s and 80s, we were abit freer(?) in our thinking and had long put such terms to rest! I've just always looked at people as being colored anyways..all people! Simplicity does have it's blessings, ya know!

Well, I'm off to start my day of tackling the mother-of-all laundry piles-LOL-bill-paying and other "fun"stuff! Might drop by later over lunch! TC!
LH
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 07:33:13 (EDT)
LH,

It can be confusing. I personally don't like the term, BUT I dare not say that when my daughter is a teen and communicates with her friends that she will not use the term.

My dad despises the word! However, there is a difference between using the word nigger and using the word "nigga". Your daughter seems "hip"; ask her,she will probably be able to explain the difference between the two.

What I really like about your post is that you described us as "people of color". I like that :-). This is how my parents still describe themselves; they often say that they are colored (eventhough daddy is mixed):-).
Shawanda
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 06:58:41 (EDT)
Personally, I think they could have found a better word to decribe a "white tank top undershirt", however, I don't think that the teenagers make the correlation to the word as we know it as adults. To them, a "wifebeater" is just a white tank top undegarment, and that's it. Sometimes as adults, I think that we get to overprotective about silly things like this (not that it is silly). If there is concern, question your child and ask what do they think it means. If they do not grasp the meaning as adults understand it to be, then it is your choice as a parent whether you educate or inform your child on the right meaning. Then again, doesn't that defeat the purpose, b/c now your child will earn the meaning behind the harmful word you are trying to prtect them against??
Stephanie
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 02:17:18 (EDT)
Hi Shawanda! I always did wonder about the fact that people of color can use the N word, but find it offensive when white people do? (Like a sort of affectionate greeting!) I do find that word offensive myself and would never hurt someone by using it, but have heard it used often by daughters friends of color and in rap videos. It can get a little confusing at times, ya' know?But you are very correct in it's how you say it and the reasoning or situation behind them! :-)
LH
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 00:49:39 (EDT)
I read these boards once a week and I was wondering, when does Riley's Mom have time to be a mom and run a company. I think there are more important things out there than arguing on a board.
Curious Reader
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 00:40:34 (EDT)
Okay RILEY, I took a really good look at your post and if you say it was directed at DUKE then..pardon me!! Maybe you should choose your words abit more wisely cause it always sounds to me like your just looking for trouble!
LH
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 00:32:18 (EDT)
Karen,

If you read the question carefully, it tells you what magazine...

LH, stick to your guns! :)

Rileysmom...okay, you find the term offensive...so do lots of others, but it's just a WORD. Not something being done to you. Yes, I've been an abused spouse, but no, I don't let terms get to me. I don't dwell on what has happened. I look forward to the future, and maybe you (and others) should try that as well. Also, don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Getting bent out of shape because someone doesn't find something offensive that YOU find offensive is just plain silly. Not everyone is going to agree with everything.


Dara
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 23:30:52 (EDT)
Just wondering if anyone has brought a toddler to a Disney Theme Park. We will be going to California with our 17 month old and thought it might be fun to visit the Magic Kingdom...but my dh wonders if our one year old would even get anything out of it...Can a one year old go on those car type rides?
kerri
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 23:00:22 (EDT)
LH-
If you took a really good look at that post you will find that made the comment about insulting me to Duke.

Thank you Karen for pointing out that there are others on this board that find this term offensive as well.


Riley's Mom
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 22:33:13 (EDT)
P.S. Why are so many of you picking on Riley's mom??? After scanning more of the posts, many other posters agree with her opinion that "wifebeater" is an inappropriate name for a shirt and it shouldn't be used in a teen magazine. What mag did it appear in so I know which one not to buy for my daughters?
Karen
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 21:40:45 (EDT)
I just started to receive the iparenting newsletters and decided to check out the discussion groups. As the daughter and sister of abused women, I find the slang for A-shirts very offensive! Especially since my father wears them and he never lay a hand on my mother (she was abused by her first husband)! How can any feeling person not be offended. You all must be back East because that's a new term here in the West. For a nationwide magazine to use "wifebeater" to describe an undershirt only says that the name and action are acceptable. Let's hope this is a shortlived trend. It will not be tolerated in my house!
Karen
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 21:24:42 (EDT)
Thought it over while doing dishes, RILEY, and the only conclusion I could come to from your crazy post to me was that you think I'm posting under different SN's...like the time you said I was LYNE! Well..if that don't beat all! So maybe you're so damn paranoid you think I'm everyone on here that is disagreeing with you!?! I only post under one SN and that IS LH! GOT IT!!!! I do this because I am not afraid to post my opinion on this board or debate till the cows come home if I feel that I am right! However,as this is another question that is of choice, I feel I also have to respect others choices when dealing with their own children...so I can only offer my opinion and my choice for my child. But RILEY, you seem to take it sooo personal when you are disagreed with and seem to enjoy lashing out at me and I think i know why...but that was another topic, now wasn't it?! Personally, I think you do need to chill out abit, but that, again is your choice! As for trying to start an argument with me, well...bring it on!! But I don't really think you want to go there, as most of the people on the board would probably back me up in saying you need to chill out!
LH
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 21:19:24 (EDT)
I thought that iparenting would have changed the subject by now.

I've been reading all of the messages, and it seems that some people are taking the term used for the shirt "wifebeaters" so literal.

Again, I don't believe that it glamourizes abuse against women.

Nevertheless, I must respond to Riley's Mom post that states what if they were to call pants ,nigger pants. I'm not a nigger so it wouldn't bother me at all. Moreover, kids say more than you would imagine, and the more you try to deter them from speaking a certain way or using a certain language, the more they will rebel. What is so funny is that I still hear mothers saying what their children will and will not do or say. I want to tell them to Wake the hell up! We don't know what our children will do when they are not in our presence. We can only hope that we have instilled values in them, and that hopefully they will make good decisions.

Moreover, I hear my brothers and their friends (regardless of race) say things like, "man that nigga is crazy". Just as the term "wifebeaters", we don't take it personal. It's not what you say, but how you say things and the reasons or situations behind it.

Lighten up, Riley's Mom!
Shawanda
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 19:54:07 (EDT)
ARG! Riley what IS your problem? I really didn't understand your post to me at all! I will tell you, however, that I really don't have a hurtful bone in my body,...but please don't ever think that means I am weak! As for showing up to insult you (that is the part I didn't understand!)I must say that you do a better enough job of that on your own..so I won't waste my time!
LH
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 19:07:18 (EDT)
Teenagers see, hear, and engange in far worse things than using the word "wifebeater". I'm not saying that this word is not distasteful...however, you have to realize that the only reason why they are using such "strong" words is because they are trying to test the boundaries of their independence.

When I was in college, I had a roomate who grew up in a very restrictive household - her parents did not swear, drink, etc. Do you think that this girl was as reserved as her parents thought she was - NO WAY!!!

Our teenagers are just a few years away from being adults. If there is no room for mistakes or bad judgement in their lives...how will they ever learn right from wrong? Teach your children about domestic abuse at an early age...let them know what it really means! Maybe as teenagers they'll be more sympathetic, and will not resort to bad language.

A Goodwin
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 17:25:36 (EDT)
Seems as though you are getting even more uptight/anal Riley. Did you take your Calgon bath yet? Your child is going to rebel so bad when its older it wont even be funny. Do you keep the child locked in the house all day so he/she doesnt see all the bad in the world?
Lyne
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 16:48:34 (EDT)
Riley Mom,

I dont think this has to do with a "right" for one to hurt the feelings of another. However it is the right of free speech that allows anyone to call anything whatever they want. It is the nose dive we are taking into the abyss of a politcaly correct wasteland that people think it is their "right" to not have their feelings hurt. It is a slippery slope once we start infriging on free speech just so someone doesnt have their feelings hurt. Where do you draw the line? Lets say that the name Riley "offends" me because someone named Riley beat me up. Should I expect you to change your childs name? I know this is an extreme comparison, but that is my point. what determines hurtful and offensive is all relative. We cannot enact a law that will encompass every term or phrase in the effort to protect feelings. it would never end because everyone has a different opinion.


PJB
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 16:47:59 (EDT)
RILEYSMOMMY...what is your "company"? I am very interested in finding out what a person of your "stature" does for a living...
duke
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 16:47:22 (EDT)
duke
I do have a job thank you for being so concerned. I run my own company, not to mention that I am a fulltime mother.
So please do not insult me.

Lyne-
Well what can I say......:P
Riley's Mom
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 16:37:33 (EDT)
RILEYSMOMMY...actually a coworker told me to check out this site to check out a bunch of ultra-conservative women who need to chill. That is where I come from, work! Have you ever done it? I hope not because you would probably drive everyone in your presence nuts. You are taking such alarm to the name of a silly shirt! I don't have any of the shirts, but if I did, I wouldn't care what the name was! I just personally like my T shirts to have sleeves. You must lighten up SWEETCHEEKS!
duke
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 15:55:10 (EDT)
Then dont call the shirt a * wifebeater * Riley! You are so tight I dont know how you get through each day. Go take a calgon bath or something
Lyne
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 15:29:30 (EDT)
LH-
What if some words have meaning to some but not others? Does that give you the right to hurt some people but not others just cause you want to be trendy?
I think this takes vanity to a new low.

Dukey baby, sweet cheeks, honeypie-
I am sure you didn't show up just to insult me.
Riley's Mom
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 15:07:32 (EDT)
"FRAN"...I too understand the meaning of the words. My question is...why the MSN AFTER the RN? Isn't it suppose to be the other way around?...and you you really think most people here even know what the "MSN" stands for? It doesn't make you anymore important than the rest of us here. Sorry FRAN!

"RILEYSMOM"...I like the word "snarkey"...is that like "touchy"?
cameragirl
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 10:57:18 (EDT)
Amber-

There are plenty of reponses to your question in the last topic. Check the archives.


TB
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 10:49:52 (EDT)
I would like to know the opinon of any parents out there who feels it, is right to dicpline their child,by spanking them.
Amber Simpkins
email: BabyPhatt201@yahoo.com
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 10:40:14 (EDT)
Im quite sure we all agree that beating your wife is a horrible crime. We are talking about a shirt for God sakes, not saying its okay to beat your wife. You cannot shelter your kids and keep them in a bubble forever. And if you think you can, you have a rude awakening coming when your child is older. If you dont make such a big deal about the * term *, it WONT be a big deal, so stop making it one.
Lyne
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 09:53:41 (EDT)
HELLO-It's slang and if you are not up on the lingo...get with it and stop being so sensitive!!!! It's just a name that refers to a type of shirt, I use the term, my parents even use the term. We really do have much more important things to worry about these days...don't we?
greta
greta
email: voogoo@hotmail.com
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 08:23:00 (EDT)
Well FRAN, just thought I'd let you know that I, personally, do not lack a grasp of the signifigance of the meaning of words! The word is not really signifigant at all unless people choose to make it so.

Next question please iparenting!
LH
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 01:20:16 (EDT)
I totally share the concern of other contributors that the term "wife beaters" is grossly inappropriate. Wife beating is a horrible crime against women and, in my opinion, using this name to describe an article of clothing trivializes abuse of women. Those contributors who ridiculed those who are offended by the term, so often spoke in a derogatory, disrespectful manner. I am a registered nurse who has cared for many abused women, and I view it as just terrible that these shirts are called wife beaters. Those who feel it is so cute lack a grasp of the significance of words and what message they convey.
Fran Slagle, M.S.N., R.N.
Fran
email: franslagle@yahoo.com
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 00:40:54 (EDT)
who cares what a "teen" magazine says? Let the kids think what they want...
"RILEYSMOMMY"...you are way too uptight...loosen up and don't be so frigid about life!
duke
Monday, April 21, 2003 at 22:28:26 (EDT)
I have to agree with Riley's Mom, I think the term is completely inappropriate. I have children ranging in age from 13 years to 4 months and there is no way I would allow my son (or any of my children, for that matter) to use that term to refer to a tank top. Sorry. It just isn't right. He can wear them but call them what they are, tank tops, not the slang term. I am really surprised that so many people are fine with the use of that term. I think it is terrible and completely inappropriate for anyone to use, let alone teens. But that is just my opinion.
Paulette
email: padel134@hotmail.com
Monday, April 21, 2003 at 19:54:43 (EDT)
I'm sorry you all seem to think that I have something against the shirts. Let get this straight, I could care less about the shirt's (please stop explaining to me what they look like). The question has to do with the term that SOME peolpe use when refering to them. I don't like the Term. Nobody, least of all me is telling you to NOT let your daughter wear them. And yes I do realize that wearing the article of clothing in question has nothing to do with the term. Can we please just stick to the question that they are asking?
Riley's Mom
Monday, April 21, 2003 at 17:21:31 (EDT)
Riley, you really do take this way to seriously. Its just a term, nothing more, nothing less. My daughter has tank tops, which is what I call them, and Im not about to take them from her. Your way to anal about all of this. Lighten up
Lyne
Monday, April 21, 2003 at 09:27:39 (EDT)
Men who observed their fathers abuse their mothers and/or were abused by their parents as children are likely to resort to violent actions toward their wives (and/or children). Very little of it has to do with whether or not a person wore a particular style of shirt and what that shirt was called.

The culture of violence theory states that the cultural approval of violence in the larger society legitimates, inspires, and reinforces the use of violence in the family. Said another way, since violence is seen in the outside world as a legitimate means to deal with problems that may arise, one may use violence in the home as a means to deal with family problems. For example, a husband may yell at or hit his wife to resolve a problem that may arise in the home, just as he might witness the use of violence on the street, at work, or on television (e.g., CSI or The Shield) and at the movies (e.g., Sleeping With the Enemy). In our society, there is at least implicitly some approval and support for the use of violence on the part of husbands against wives; in which both the media and the law encourage, or at the very least permit, sexual violence against wives.

Unfortunately for some, violence is displayed as a legitimate means to deal with problems. As a result, men may use violence as a means to deal with domestic problems, as well as a means to resolve any conflicts that arise with their wives. Hence, stopping wife abuse would require a restructuring of the cultural variables of society that enforce the use of violence.



psychmum
Monday, April 21, 2003 at 00:36:32 (EDT)
Usagirl..Italian tuxedo?Never heard that one before--LOL!!!

Michele..wifebeater is a slang term used to describe a t-shirt w/out sleeves, not the actual act of domestic violence itself. Sorry, I didn't understand your post??

Angela..wow 5am huh? I didn't think the easter bunny got up that early!! I hope no one thinks I'm trying to act like a know-it-all or anything, but I remember well how I felt about things when my daughter was young compared to now when she's a teen. I used to get so upset over certain things, but am alot more relaxed now!I have seen and heard alot more too. Also, I think with each stage they go through we become stronger as parents, so as to be able to handle the next stage. We really can never be too cautious raising our precious children, but one day you too may look back when they're older and laugh at the things you took way too serious!


LH
Sunday, April 20, 2003 at 22:49:57 (EDT)
wife beater's is a what they been called for year's. My kids know that. that's because that's what men used to wear in our childhood days when they beat their wifes. They be drunk and would have on a white t shirt which they now called a wife beater. Yes i hate the word but that's what it is called.Over look it choose your arguements wisely.he didn't start it the last generation did. My children know better because they did't grow up with that kind of volience in the home. And they think the t shirt is tacky any way.
KimLangston
email: kimlangston2002@yahoo.com
Sunday, April 20, 2003 at 11:24:36 (EDT)
Happy Easter All! Our little "peter cottontails" had us up at 5:00a.m. to find out if Easter Bunny had come! I'll be needing a nap just in time for church I think. ;)As far as the subject of this board--speaking as the mother of a son AND a daughter, I just don't think wearing an item of clothing which happens to be called a "wifebeater" is going to have a significant impact on whether my daughter becomes an abuse victim, or my son becomes a batterer(is that a word?) There are SO many things in our world today that would have more of an impact on them. I am in complete agreement with the person who says they "pick their battles" with their child--I think that was LH. Granted, my children are not teenagers yet, and the only expertise I have in that area is that I WAS a teenager, but even at my children's age I have learned to pick my battles--if I get all "up in arms" about EVERY issue, they won't listen to me about ANY issue! I am in no way minimizing the pain suffered by abuse victims, nor am I "glorifying" abusers--also, I don't think anybody on this board has done that either. I just don't think in the Grand Scheme of Things a tanktop with a slang name warrants my getting too upset. There are so many bigger fish to fry, so to speak, in my effort to raise not just a daughter, but a strong, independent woman--and not just a son, but a good, decent man--that I don't feel an item of clothing is worth so much analysis.
Riley--"Snarkey" ?? I have never heard that before, but I kind of like the term. :) Also, I did not even know men WORE capris pants!? :)
angela
Sunday, April 20, 2003 at 08:26:10 (EDT)
I think we're getting a bit off the subject. What it boils down to is that "wifebeater" is a horrible term. I read someone saying that it was "like" domestic violence. It's not like it, it is domestic violence. Many women are being beaten as you read my message and we should not allow the media to make light of that. Also, their job it to provide an unbiased account not to further add to the stereotype. Because, as we know, all men that wear those horribly unattractive tee shirts are not wifebeaters. It takes a lot of programing and desensitizing to beat a woman. Not a tee shirt.
Michelle from the North Country
email: mtschumaka@yahoo.com
Sunday, April 20, 2003 at 08:09:29 (EDT)
In my town we call them Italian tuxedos, but I think I prefer wifebeaters! Any way you look at it it is just a harmless word! Get over it people and get lifes!
USAGIRL
Sunday, April 20, 2003 at 02:55:04 (EDT)
W O W ! ! !
Now i think we are getting personal. However, as far as terms go, i remember a very controversial subject that was brought on by Tommy Hilfiger when they decided to call a mans capri type pants, "Cajun Swamplegs" and the state of LA came up for air, so it was changed to a different name.
Having lived in Louisiana, and my two older children being born there, it sparked interest in our family, as once you live in a certain atmosphere, you kinda know where they're comin from.. .
SO , basically, I think that what the world needs to do, is to try to respect "
Slang" for it DOES hurt. Whoever said that sticks and stones break bones, but WORDS will never hurt me is so far off, it amazes me! Apparantley, that person was never abused emotionally, for some of the worse scars abused women have are the emotional ones, the physical ones often forgotten.....

WACO...TEN YEARS!????
WOW! I remember it like yesterday, i can even remember where i was sitting, how we were ataken back....yes, what a tragedy! So many people have died in cults, tho, even SINCE then, and it has been quieted down. I wonder just HOW many innocent children have died , serving a "master" they feared and adored at the same time.
Sorta like domestic violence...Pretty sad!
StarAnna
email: theownlystar@hotmail.com
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 23:46:46 (EDT)
You don't have to be snarkey
Riley's Mom
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 22:45:16 (EDT)
yes, up until 2 years ago, I modeled clothes for the "fashion industry". Sorry, that I didn't tell you my profession, I didn't think it was mandatory for the website.
viewer
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 22:39:59 (EDT)
Forgive me, I thought that this was what you said.

"Being in the fashion industry,......"
Riley's Mom
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 22:30:55 (EDT)
"rileys mom" why are you so riled up? :)
You must lighten up! As for changing the fashion world, I didn't design clothes, I only wore them...
viewer
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 22:29:05 (EDT)
LH-
Just because you don't mean and harm or disrespect from it, doesn't mean that it won't hurt or offend someone. People should try to respect other peoples feelings. That is all I have to say of the subject.
Riley's Mom
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 22:29:03 (EDT)
JMO...let me know if you receive your Easter greetings!
LH
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 21:59:12 (EDT)
It's TRUE Riley, believe it or not some of us who have children who use the term are accustomed to using it ourselves without any insult meant behind it... and that is the way it should be taken!

JMO...very very well said!! (That's what I meant to say..LOL!)Especially your ending paragraph..so true!!

Cameragirl..don't remember much about the Waco tragedy, cept it was just that..a tragedy! So sad! (I will have to look into that again as now you've sparked my interest!)

Happy Hoppy Easter to everyone!! TC! :-)
LH
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 20:58:47 (EDT)
Oh Viewer-
Growing up wasn't on your to do list today was it. No, Old Navy I have been in has ever advertised their tank tops for young chilren or otherwise as "wifebeaters"
I will no longer stoop....
You are below my radar.
Riley's Mom
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 19:06:54 (EDT)
Shirt topic...again who cares...I think JMO makes a good statement.

Just realized that today is the 10 year anniversary of the Waco, Texas fire at the Branch Davidian complex. I am curious to hear any opinions on that disaster you all may have.
A documentary I just watched showed skeletal remains of infants and children hugging each other...
Cults are very odd...
cameragirl
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 19:00:24 (EDT)
altho i still don't find the term "wifebeater" appropriate for teen magazines, LH is correct in that there are far more issues that we as parents should be concerned with our children seeing etc.

unfortunately we cannot shelter our children forever, i think by doing so our children are only going to be in for a rude awakening once exposed to the harsh realities of the "big bad REAL world".

perhaps the most valuable thing we can do is be a constant presence in our children's lives, and hope that our morals and values as parents will be reflected in our children's lives one day. however i think most children have to learn their own lessons, sometimes the hard way. i know i sure did! and only now, as a parent myself, can i appreciate the lessons and morals and values i learned in life. but i know often it took making my own mistakes and even going against my parents' wishes to discover for myself who i was, who i wanted to be, and what i stand for today.

bottom line...the media in generally contains many inappropriate things for teens and children. it is not necessarily up to us as parents to censor the media, but to be open and available to our children to discuss controversial subjects with them. and if we do our best at parenting, then perhaps our children will make informed, wise decisions in their lives.


j-mo
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 17:58:59 (EDT)
I think we all are familiar with where the slang term for the shirt comes from, but do you really think the kids associate it with what they are wearing? That they are making fun of any particular group of people when they say the word? NO! I sympathize with women who have been abused and would in no way wish it upon anyone! But i do feel that time would be better spent educating women on how to protect themselves from men who abuse.

I can also understand how the mothers of young children would be apauled at some of the things written in teen magazines as I used to get upset too! I don't censor much from her now as she is 16 and will be out in the real world in another 2 years. But I must say after flipping through one of her recent teen magazines I certainly found several other subjects to be concerned about other than the question posted!!!

And Riley don't be fooled..your grandmother from the 40s was probably subject to several racial and derogative slang terms...women were broads, dames and skirts, Mexicans and Italians were greasers, and people of color were darkmeat and other words I won't post. And yes, I can honestly say that pants will never be called such a fowl word because that IS a word to get upset about!

But... as with the last question on this board, this is a topic of choice! With my teen I choose my battles carefully and as I see fit and I feel that this is not one that I wish to wage!
LH
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 16:27:08 (EDT)
Today's outfit consists of black sandals, denim capri's and a black wifebeater shirt...oops, I mean tank top! Plus, my little darling here has a yellow wifebeater tank top...oops again, tank top complements of Old Navy Baby...boycott them also if you don't agree!
viewer
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 16:12:33 (EDT)
My opinion, take it for what it is worth, is that it is just a slang term. I don't agree with the term. Had I chose the name, it would be different. The slang comes from the 'trailor park', hill billy, alcoholic image of a 'wife-beater'. Those are the shirts that they wore. I don't really like the shirt itself. It is disrespectful, but it isn't going to change.

Star - I am sorry that you have a scared past. Just don't take it for granted that no one else does.
mj
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 14:13:09 (EDT)
Star- I am sorry that your pain has become someone elses amusement. You are correct their is nothing cool or trendy about the term these people choose to use for a lousy tank top.

Viewer-
I have nothing against the actual piece of clothing just the name. And don't talk down to me. Show me the respect I deserve. If you are in the fashion industry and I an assuming that you are not working in retail, why don't you try to change the current trends to show you don't have to be lewd and disgusting to be cool. These things only escalate to this level because people allow it.


LH- You must be really smart to be able to see into the future like that. I bet that my grandmother in the 40's never thought that people would be calling tanks "wifebeaters". I sure hope that neither you nor your daughter ever becomes a victim of abuse. Then have your abuser become a fashion statement.

Riley's Mom
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 12:04:54 (EDT)
I first heard the term "wife-beater" A couple years ago, when my nephew referred to his undershirts that way. I was appalled that my sister allowed him to use such slang. In my opinion, it is like mocking women who have been beaten. When I asked him why the shirt was called that, he replied that a certain ethnic group, which I will not mention, wears those shirts alot, and they are known for beating their wives. I told him that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard, because abusers are of every race, and in my opinion, naming a shirt that, and then wearing the shirt, is like saying that being an abuser is o.k.
Ember
Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 01:19:59 (EDT)
I think the "wifebeater" term is rude especially for those who have been in that situation. Here is were the slang term came from. When watching a tv show such as "Cops" the men who have had the cops called on them for domestic abuse often come out of thier homes wearing a white tank top. I believe the tank top was givin that slang term to make fun of the slum that hit thier family more so than it is to hurt anyone who has been in the situation of domestic abuse.
Jen
email: Jge2849@hotmail.com
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 23:24:32 (EDT)
Well, i have NEVER heard a muscle shirt, tank, A-top, or Grandpop Undie called a wifebeater before in my LIFE, until my FIRST ex spoke to my toddler son, and asked him why he had a "wifebeater shirt" on THIS very week!.
Of course he KNEW what the shirt was, being a nerd hillbilly that he is....AND the WIFEBEATER that he is.

Shame on ALL of you for going along with degrading terms.!
Apparentley NONE of you were ever a victimized beaten wife.
or you would NEVER EVER assume such a HORRIBLE term as a "ok" thing.
My two teens voice this opinion fully, seeing what they saw all their childhood....first with me, then with "stepmoms" then with my 2nd husband, their stepdad, as i went thru it all over again, so did they.

DONT ever estimate that "Its NOT all in a name" cause it IS!
Star
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 21:41:48 (EDT)
The name is just a slang term for a shirt...who cares? I wore them in high school sports during practices myself. The name means nothing...and if it does to anyone else out there, you are looking too much into it!
cameragirl
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 20:57:36 (EDT)
There has been far too much analyisis in the term, wifebeater. It is on no signifcance to anything.
If one is so ignorant to use or think about it, SO BE IT!!! GET OVER IT AND USE YOUR LIFE FOR SOMETHING WORTH WHILE!
JOHN
email: JOHNC@OCEANMIST.COM
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 18:09:28 (EDT)
Hi all..just had a moment to scroll through some of the posts and can't help to find amusing all this muss about a simple little tshirt called a wifebeater! My daughter wears them for her sports practices because they are inexpensive, easy to find and throw on over a sports bra! She couldn't come up with any other slang terms for clothes for me to post here, but thought the debate was silly, too!

RILEY..why do you feel you must mock other people by reposting quotes from their posts! That is rude! And if you really think people are going to start calling pants N****R pants, you have just got to be very very parinoid cause I can never see that happening!

Got to run..my daughters wifebeaters are dirty from lots of track practice and today is laundry day! :-)
LH
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 17:41:46 (EDT)
I would just like to say that here in Ontario Canada, the term "wife beater" only means the old man tank tops.. We dont know them as anything else.. it is slang, thats the way it has always been.. I love people who read into every little thing, It's as if you have nothing better to do

mags p
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 15:16:49 (EDT)
It is slang...what else would you call that kind of a shirt. I think that people today don't see that reference as being literal, they see it as the name of an article of clothing. The fact that they "casually" refferred to it as a wifebeater, shows that they were calling the article of clothing by the name...and not describing the person (or anyone) who wears one.
Alison
email: amacarthur@lancejackson.com
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 15:16:37 (EDT)
Carrie...I completely agree! Well said.
A Goodwin
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 14:58:54 (EDT)
Look at this for what it is, plain and simple the term is slang, it's part of our culture, our kids will hear and say it..not matter who approves or disapproves. I'd rather my children have open relationship with me, that I allow them to experience and understand our culture, focus my attention on them knowing the difference between right and wrong, teach them to respect themselves and others. We should give them more credit, and spend less time trying to control their universe..As far as I'm concerned there are much more serious issues. Guide them, don't blind them.
Carrie
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 14:09:17 (EDT)
Hi Viewer--When I talk about "Texas" hair, I mean "BIG" hair--especially the hair styles we ladies wore in the 80's--We made our hair big with lots of "ratting" with a comb, and LOTS of extra-super-hold hairspray. Think Paula Abdul, Madonna, Gloria Estefan, The Bangles 20 years ago, and you got Texas Hair! :)
angela
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 12:14:08 (EDT)
I think it's acceptable. The name is not suggesting that it's alright to abuse anyone, it is just the slang name that has been given to the tanks. Teens use it I'm sure without thinking twice. As long as no one is getting hurt, it's ok in my book.
bbymks3
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 11:52:30 (EDT)
"angela"..what is "texas" hair??
viewer
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 11:37:49 (EDT)
David...LOL! How about a push-up bra with matching thong underwear in a size 42? ;)
angela
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 11:35:16 (EDT)
"rileys mom"- I know what a "wife beater" is, but thank you for defining it for me anyway. The "muscle shirt" you refer to is similar to the wifebeater shirt but it is not ribbed nor does it have the scoop neck. Most of them were former T-Shirts that had the sleeves cut off of them. Do you understand the difference? If you don't like the name, then don't buy one for your husband or son (if you have them). Being in the fashion industry, I can honestly tell you they are not going anywhere because a few percentage of people out there don't agree with the name. If anything, all it will do is make it more popular among the teens. So try not to be too vocal on this matter with your kids or word will spread that they are a 'no-no' and therefore become more of a status thing.
Just telling it like it is ladies...and "david"...
viewer
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 11:34:36 (EDT)
Shawanda--HA!:) I went to high school in the 80's too! I totally did the TEXAS HAIR thing, and girl, I'm from Minnesota! :) Anyway, I seem to remember from those teen years that the more adults object to a term or style of clothing, the more we used the term and wanted the clothes. Any of you female "80's teens" remember when Madonna made wearing a mesh see through shirt over your bra a "must have" in fashion? My mother would have a FIT about it, and forbid us to dress that way--of course after that we dressed "appropriately" going out the door, and changed into the other outfit we had stuffed in our backpacks. It does not seem much has changed through the years. I don't approve of the term "wifebeater" either, but I also realize the more we grown-ups get upset about it, the more appealing it is, especially to teens. I firmly agree with a previous person's post, in that if you don't approve of something...don't buy it, don't say it, don't watch it, and don't listen to it!
angela
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 11:32:26 (EDT)
BOO HOO... dont like dont buy it. dont like dont say it. shelter your kids from it if that is what you wish as their guardians. but the upset and offended few too often try to determine how the collective whole needs to act and what is allowed to be spoken. as if the "PC" crowd is the benchmark of approval on everything.

PJB
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 10:19:59 (EDT)
I do not think that a magazine should encourage some slang terms. This phrase for the A-line shirt refers to "greasy Italians that hit their wives and children."
Melissa K.
email: mdpkarnes@yahoo.com
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 09:23:23 (EDT)
Here in the U.S.A. our children are exposed and subjected to more offensive, abusive material by the age 10 then most of us want to admit. Try watching the "CARTOONS" of today. "Our children will be wiser than us". They are not morons. If you are on the right "parenting track", your teen should take the word "wifebeater" as it is, SLANG!
kristy
email: sparkle69@worldnet.att.net
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 03:26:57 (EDT)
Yes, the term has been around for decades - unfortunately the fashion industry has deemed it acceptable to use the age-old nickname for the tank in print. Thus it perpetuates. On occasion I have seen it called a "husband beater" when it is worn by women. Nice attempt at equality, however I think it fails to remedy the real issue. I think Trash Tank could have been just as successful of a name. Whether you knew the other name or not, the point would be hard to miss.
Deirdre Coghlan
Friday, April 18, 2003 at 01:31:22 (EDT)
How do you think violence against women begins? With subconscious attitudes of disrespect towards the opposite sex. Of COURSE most children who use the term don't think much about it, but that is the PROBLEM. Nobody is stopping to realize what the word "wifebeater" has become a mainstream part of our popular culture. That is scary! The same way my skin crawls when I hear the expression "that is so gay", just because we don't INTEND to be derrogatory we are doesn't mean no harm is being done. Come on guys!! Wake up! Slang is one thing; phat, cool,hommie,dude...these are abstracts! They don't actually MEAN anything, they just connote an emotion. "WIFEBEATER?" Yeah...that kinda means something to me. And it's not something anybody should use to describe clothing. The image of a slimy man? Maybe. The image of a man with large muscles? How'd he get those muslces? Hitting around his wife?! That is not something cool to aspire to, even if it's just a fashion statement.
just a kid
Thursday, April 17, 2003 at 23:06:39 (EDT)
Viewer-
A wifebeater also describes someone who BEATS their WIFE.

If you want something to make you look tough and you have to call it a wifebeater you have got other problems. Maybe we should look for alternative names.......
Tough A** Tees or
I always thought they called them MUSCLE SHIRTS (sounds full of machismo to me)
Riley's Mom
Thursday, April 17, 2003 at 20:42:24 (EDT)
I have heard the term "wifebeater" initially close to 13 years ago. The term is nothing new. Just something that describes, as one post alread stated, the low class looking ribbed tank top that the individual doesn't seem to cover up with another shirt. Maybe they think it makes them look more "threatening" or "tough", who knows, but anyway, it is just a TERM for a shirt! I don't think kids today would really go into long visual thought when they hear the term "wifebeater". They most likely visualize a slimy guy wearing a tank top (which I always did)...not the actual drawn out picture of a man abusing his wife. Just like "babydoll" tops...is it just a shirt, or do you imagine a dolly on a rocking chair wearing the article of clothing? Kids are kids, they want what is "in" when it comes to fashion. Deal with it. If you don't like the term, then don't buy one (they look like trailer trash anyway) so you would be doing the fashion industry a favor by not supporting it.

"david"...how about a halter top with a cig?
viewer
Thursday, April 17, 2003 at 20:22:19 (EDT)
What article of clothing could we refer to as a "husbandbeater"?
David
Thursday, April 17, 2003 at 18:07:08 (EDT)
Well Geez, I mean if they have been called that for years it must be OK!!
Please !!
******************************
As for the term "wifebeaters", that is what those tank tops have been called for years! If someone said that to me, even as a child, I knew it was a white, ribbed tank-top. I'm guessing it was the same for whoever wrote the article, and they didn't think twice about it.
Jilsy
Thursday, April 17, 2003 at 15:37:56 (EDT)

Most of you are acting as though calling tanks wifebeaters is something new...its not. They have been called that since I was in junior high at least...(which was almost ten years ago) It wasn't a big deal then, it isn't now, I don't see any huge disintegration of society because teens call tank tops wifebeaters. Don't call them that if you don't like it.
Sandy
Thursday, April 17, 2003 at 13:55:19 (EDT)
Riley's Mom
Thursday, April 17, 2003 at 17:32:56 (EDT)