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Welcome to the Sound Off Discussion Board, where parents from all walks of life and all parts of the world come together in one place to share their opinions and thoughts about the question of the week. Please remember that everyone is entitled to their opinion and the freedom to express it. Obscene posts are unwelcome and shall be removed from the board. Please keep in mind that this is a public board. Never post personal information that you would be uncomfortable sharing with others. Comments about this board should be sent to iParenting's Webmaster. Thank you for contributing! If you have a suggestion for the question of the week, send it to feedback@iparenting.com.

What is the best and/or worst piece of parenting advice you've received?

For archived topics, click here.

Hi A GEDDES! Yep, 12 is about the age when I first noticed the attitude change and, unfortunately it still hasn't let up! Although I do find she is starting to learn not to "sass" so much as that only leads to a big argument! (and punishment!)I have also had friends with teen boys and girls tell me they agree it seems to be worse with girls!

How do I deal with it? Not well, sometimes, but we have learned that time outs help, family meetings or just asking her to sit and let me know what is up with her. We have also found that if a punishment is needed, the best way to really make em' suffer is to take away priveledges...no friends, no phone, no computer! A week of that on occassion gets the point accross amazingly! Also I have always found it VERY important that she stay involved with school or community activities and sports...builds good skills and keeps them busy and out of trouble!

Well, don't know much else to tell you...but wish you luck! It's hard sometimes, I know, but eventually they "come around" and you will get your sweet, wonderful child back!

Also, iparenting has a forum on teenagers...look in "community"....TC!
LH
Wednesday, August 20, 2003 at 23:24:47 (EDT)
Best Advice: Even if you've never been around kids in your life and your baby is the first baby you've ever held, trust yourself to know what's right and stick to your guns!

Worst Advice:Feeding on demand w/o a routine, I would be CRAZY w/o a routine!
Sarah w/Evelyn 8 months
Wednesday, August 20, 2003 at 16:20:07 (EDT)
Susan--We found when we were potty training our daughter that she too seemed more interested in it at daycare. It was a more interesting activity for her because her friends/peers were doing the same thing. Also, she wanted to be like the "big" kids, so would "potty" like they do. Like your daughter, Maranda never was bothered by wet/dirty diapers...that will change, just hang in there! She will reach a point where she realizes that wet/dirty pants are uncomfortable and eventually she will appreciate the fact that wet/stinky pants are also socially unacceptable. We now have three children, and are about to start potty training our middle child (a boy who turned 2 in May) and one thing we learned from potty training our oldest is to RELAX, and not get so stressed over it. My mother told me that children, for the most part, train themselves. We just need to be there for guidance, and to act as their biggest cheering section. We found it most helpful to follow the same routine at daycare as well as home. In our case, whatever daycare was doing was working, so we copied it at home. In our case we took her to the bathroom once an hour (don't ASK a toddler if they have to go--they will say NO every time.) By the time she turned three she was trained (expect an occasional accident even then though!) Just remember, as long as your daughter does not recieve her high school diploma still wearing pull-ups or training pants there really is nothing to get too worried about!=)
angela
Wednesday, August 20, 2003 at 14:16:07 (EDT)
LH- you mentioned that you have a sixteen yr old I have four daughters (2 step, two that were born to me) I was wondering how do you handle the changes that your daughter went through. Right now my oldest that is twelve is so full of sarcasm and attitude I sometimes boarding school is the only option for the both of us to maintain our sanity. I know that they are going through a lot, and I know that there must be a way to communicate in a rationale manner but it is difficult not to take their attitude personally. Any ideas?
A Geddes
Wednesday, August 20, 2003 at 13:47:04 (EDT)
THe worst bit of advice I ever got was to let our toddler cry "it" out at what was an appropriate bed time. It was awful- he was unhappy and so were we a better solution for all of us was to develope a bedtime routine that involed an evening bath a snack, a story and a snuggle. By the end of it all he was comfortable and sleepy and we felt as though we had spent some quality time as parents.
A Geddes
email: ageddes@shaw.ca
Wednesday, August 20, 2003 at 13:34:08 (EDT)
Any advice on potty training?
I have an almost 3yr old (in 2 months) girl and she sometimes seems to be interested in the potty, and sometimes not. Usually at daycare she is and at home she's not, until I undressed her for bathtime. She NEVER was one to complain of wet or dirty diapers.
Susan
email: Svarga69@yahoo.com
Wednesday, August 20, 2003 at 11:24:14 (EDT)
i have a set of preimee twins. their 16 month (actaully age)13 months (preimee). one walks 1 don't. is this normal? they were 2.5pds and 2.11 pds at birth. they are good now but a little slow.at times. any advice?
vonnie
email: vonniea4@yahoo.com
Wednesday, August 20, 2003 at 09:05:26 (EDT)
Best Advice:
Trust your instincts. Don't feel the need to "train" them or focus to much on "how to" books. Let them be babies while they can. Snuggle and give them all the love and attention you can give. They need to feel 100% secure with you. You are the center of the world to them.
Evan's Mommy
Wednesday, August 20, 2003 at 00:38:24 (EDT)
Christie, I'm so glad to hear that someone else has had the same horrible advice. I have two wonderful children (11 and 6) I we recently found out we "were" going to have #3. Unfortunately, we lost the baby at 11 weeks. I was told by my own grandmother that I shouldn't have anymore, that she didn't want me to have anymore, etc...She has made her point several times in the 6 wks since. She's even gone so far to say that she's afraid the next one might not be "as smart" as my other two and what if it has "problems". Way to go Nana, scare the peanuts out of me! What I want to know is who in the world gave these people the right to decide what goes on in others lives? (Note: grandma was unable to conceive so she CHOSE to adopt my mother and aunt. Hmmmm....)
Kara
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 21:04:02 (EDT)
Are you able to maybe rent one from a birthing class instructor? That's the only idea I can think of. Good Luck !
Riley's Mom
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 18:37:29 (EDT)
I might be putting this in the wrong place but I need help or something and here might be the place I get help. I am unable to carry a child so I with my husband had to get a surrogate. Do not get me wrong we love her the problem is I want to experience the whole pregnancy thing so I tried to get an empathy belly so I could go thru this with our surro. THey will not let the public buy them what the heck?I want to experience this with her an a basketball is not gonna cut it. Any idea how to obtain one anyone? I would appreciate any ideas.
Serena Thompson
email: buster@caec.com
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 18:34:52 (EDT)
the best advice i ever got was... The housework will always be there, but your children will only be young once. enjoy them now, clean later.
victoria lo schiavo
email: jloschiavo@rogers.com
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 17:55:43 (EDT)
Hi All--I thought of another good piece of advice I got after I read A Goodwin's last post--If we all waited until we had a big enough house, nice enough car, good enough job, and made enough money before we finally had children--none of us would have any!!!! Babies only know if they are loved and have a full belly--they don't care about all the material stuff or how big your bank account is.
angela
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 15:15:12 (EDT)
Thanks for all of the congrats. I haven't even told my family yet! Thanks too for the pacifier advice. I'll keep it in mind when it comes time.

Best Advice: My friend who told me about this website.

Worst Advice: You have to wait to be settled in a house to have children....Well, I know my baby will be loved...house or not!
A Goodwin
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 14:07:58 (EDT)
A Goodwin

CONGRATS :) In the hospital they gave my babies pacifiers. They had that extra need to suckle, and it soothed them when they were fussy. Those are the 2 main reasons we used them, and I wouldnt change it if I had another. It is however, a personal preferance. My husband & I wouldnt go without them. I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly for you!!
Lyne
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 08:30:32 (EDT)
????????????????????????
Christine, I am from Alberta, Canada. I think the diversity in answers also stems from age differences.
Riley's Mom
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 00:16:17 (EDT)
I
don't
understand

WHY Jahan Marcu

is

a


wretched,

wretched
soul...
I don't understand...
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 23:12:47 (EDT)
April--or anyone who wants to get your child to stop sucking their thumb--there is some product at the pharmacy (not sure what they call it), but its to help stop nail biting and I think it can be used for thumb sucking--you put this stuff on their thumb, and it makes it taste HORRIBLE, and so when your child sticks their thumb in their mouth, it tastes gross, and after a while, they stop doing it, even after you stop using the stuff. The best advice I ever got was to NEVER let my baby cry it out. The worst advice I got was to stop having children after I had two!! PLEASE!! I have 3 right now, and I want MORE!!! I LOVE children!! They are WONDERFUL!!! I hope the guy who said he wishes he didn't have children, if that is true, PLEASE don't have anymore!! If you are angry that you have them now, PLEASE don't take that anger out on them--they DID NOT ask to be born!! I feel SOO SORRY for unwanted children!! They are such a blessing!! I cannot imagine my life without my children!!! I thank the Lord EVERY DAY for giving me these WONDERFUL little people!!!
Christie
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 22:50:53 (EDT)
I'm from NC: advice on pacifiers? USE THEM!!!My little one is 20 months and would always spit out her pacifier in favor of her thumb. This is going to be a hard habit to break. I welcome any advice on when and how to get her to stop sucking her thumb.
April
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 19:07:55 (EDT)
A Goodwin- Congrats!!!!
Pacifiers if needed are good things. Remember.....you can always take a pacifier away....thumbs not so easy.
Riley's Mom
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 18:03:01 (EDT)
Goodwin--Congrats!=) I was going to say something about pacifiers. I had no problem letting the nurses give any of my three newborns pacifiers, but sometimes it is not up to what we want. NONE of my three would take a pacifier, and there have been times I wished they would. But, they found other ways to soothe themselves, usually sucking their little fists once they could find them! None of them suck their thumbs either. So, we never had the to use/not to use debate, as the children solved the debate for us by spitting pacifiers right back at us.;)
angela
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 17:56:58 (EDT)
Todd & Lynn: I have just found out I'm pregnant, so I'm soaking up all of this free advice. I've been thinking about the pro's and con's of using a pacifier, and I wondered why you feel as if it should/shouldn't be used? Just curious. Thanks.
A Goodwin
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 17:00:41 (EDT)
I would love to know where everyone is from on this board. There are such diverse opinions here!

I'm from San Francisco.

Chris
Christine
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 15:35:27 (EDT)
I hear ya on the pacifier Todd! Mine all had one, and I dont regret it for one second.
Lyne
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 14:52:48 (EDT)
Best advice: Plant a tree every year on my son's birthday. He's now five, and we have an awesome looking yard that's full of memories. He stands beside them each year for a photo.

Worst: Don't let your child have a pacifier. Need I say more?
Todd
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 13:49:36 (EDT)
I think that some of the best advice is that EVERYDAY tell your babies that you love them, no matter what!! Dont go to sleep without telling them you love them. Worst advice...to not get involved with your kids. Its VERY important to stay involved, with school, sports, homelife..everything. Keep involved with them, everyday.

Duke
Sounds like you need to give your children to someone who will love them and take care of them properly. I hope that you were just merely trying to upset people and that you really dont think that of your own children.
Lyne
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 13:45:23 (EDT)
Hi all! I already answered this question while digressing on the last topic.
Conrad--You'll get all sorts of answers to your question--you may end up with too much advice! Just remember, a parents instinct is usually best for their own child.=)
Duke--If you ever have it to "do all over again"--wear a condom stupid!
Margarita--how is Matt Bird doing?

angela
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 13:36:51 (EDT)
Worse Advice - My husband (my son's stepfather) did not believe in spankings. A fellow co-worker told him not to "beat your children". He his come to see that sometimes spankings are neccesary and has changed his mind. Best Advice - To tell your child each and every day you love them. We all say to each other, "Did I tell you that I loved you today?" It gets us started with that and an "I love you more" marathon. Afterwards, we feel all fluffy inside and I think that is so imporant.
Libbi (MeanMommy)
email: libbi_staab@yahoo.com
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 13:27:41 (EDT)
Duke - I hope your kids don't read your posts.
A Goodwin
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 13:20:25 (EDT)
The worst piece of advice I was given was not to spank. I tried that I seemed to lose control of my house. Now, with light swats on the butt now and then, I've regained control and have children that behave. Time-outs? Boo. They never worked for me.

Best advice? Get involved with the school, no matter if you're child is in preschool, elementary or higher. It's so important!

Sally
Sally
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 10:12:11 (EDT)
the best advice I heard but didn't listen was "dont have kids".
The worst, have at least two so they can play with each other. Not only do they not play, they terrorize each other all day and fight! If I could do it again, I would stay a bachelor.
duke
Monday, August 18, 2003 at 09:57:43 (EDT)
Hello! The best advice I got was to love your baby and do what you thought was best--he knew nothing else other than they are loved by you-he had no idea that we didn't know what we were doing--it was the most comforting advice we got.
The worst advice was don't change him if he wakes at night for a feeding--being wet made him cry as much as being hungry.
As for crying it out, the american academy of pediatrics does not recommend it and states that a baby less than 6 months old does not know manipulative behavior and babies of this age only cry when they are in need of something.
Have a great week
Kelly
kell
email: xxx
Sunday, August 17, 2003 at 21:23:56 (EDT)
I had already answered this question when it was brought up before, but had a new one to add! Enjoy them while they are little...their small hands, the way they look into your eyes, the nose kisses, the way they smell, holding them on your lap, oh I could go on and on!! Once those times are gone, they will never come back...and you don't understand how important they are when they are happening until they are gone. I love the relationship my 16 yr old daughter and I have now, but I sure do miss having a little one around!
LH
Sunday, August 17, 2003 at 20:56:27 (EDT)
The best advice: enjoy them while they are small. Babyhood doesn't last forever, and if they are held and cuddled too much by some people's standards- oh, well.
The worst: Tied between the person who said let 'em cry and the one who said a dose of infant's Tylenol every night would help them sleep better.
April
Sunday, August 17, 2003 at 19:53:04 (EDT)
I have to agree with everyone who said the worst advice was to let your baby cry it out. I can't stand that, and my daughter (who will be 1 on Sept. 2) still sleeps with us. I can't stand to hear her cry when I put her in her crib, it totally breaks my heart, and she doesn't stop after a while. She keeps crying until she makes herself sick. It is awful, and I won't do it.

The best advice I've ever received is to follow your instincts where your child is concerned. You know what's best for your child, not the dozens of people who want to give you advice. Follow your heart.


Dara
Sunday, August 17, 2003 at 13:24:52 (EDT)
JMO your best advice is very true. But, what I always did when my son was going through his colicky stage, and I couldn't stand it. I would put him nice and safe in his bed, walk outside and do my little hissy fit dance, complete with bizarre facial expressions. This is how I answered the question on the last one, in case it wasn't seen.

Good question!
The best piece of advice my husband and I got,was to toss out all unsolicated advice. If you didn't ask for it, don't take it.
And do what feels natural.

The worst is any advice that makes you doubt you abilities.

Just remember if it doesn't kill or maim anyone involved you should be ok.
Riley's Mom
Friday, August 15, 2003 at 12:30:41 (EDT)
Riley's Mom
Sunday, August 17, 2003 at 11:09:34 (EDT)
hello all....

i agree with margarita about the worst advice being to let your baby holler it out, and about spoiling children by cuddling, picking them up, etc. you can NEVER spoil a child with love!!!

the best parenting advice i've received (so far) is when you get frustrated, feel helpless and wonder what you were thinking by having kids cause they're driving you absolutely BONKERS, go inside, close your eyes, breathe deeply, and remember exactly how it felt to hold that brand new innocent helpless baby in your arms and stare into his/her eyes for the very first time....
j-mo
Sunday, August 17, 2003 at 10:51:13 (EDT)
LOL it looks as if someone's stand in question got chosen.
Nicole~ if you hadn't seen it then please go to the archives if you would like to see what I posted about organic milk and what homogenized actually is (I had to look it up as I wasn't sure).
On to this question: hmmmmmm. I'd say the best advice is being told by several people that you can not spoil a child under 6 months of age and that you can not spoil a child by holding and touching it too much. The worst advice: to let a brand new baby cry it out while trying to teach them to sleep in their own big scarey crib. Babies under 4 months don't have the abiltiy to comfort themselves =(. I guess I have been pretty lucky because with few exceptions my family and friends are very repectful about one another's parenting.
Margarita
Sunday, August 17, 2003 at 03:34:21 (EDT)