The parenting journey begins during pregnancy. Nurturing new life growing within our bodies, we make decisions that affect the course of our children’s and, thus, our own lives. When they are born, our babies emerge from us as mewling bundles of love, hope and infinite potential, and it is up to us to help them become that which they dream. We are re-born, in a sense, as parents – and as so much more.

Our infants require gentle care, nourishment and plenty of medical visits. The doctor’s office is where many parents first realize that their new role of “parent” comes with a subtitle of “advocate.”

According to Webster’s Dictionary, advocate as a noun means, “one that argues for a cause; a supporter or defender,” or, “one that pleads on another's behalf; an intercessor.” As a verb, advocate means, “to speak, plead or argue in favor of; to recommend.”

While the image of an attorney may come to mind, this also defines a very important part of parenting. You are your child’s advocate, and, in a way, he or she is your “client.” Good advocates (and parents) aren’t always born, but they can be made. This takes time, effort and experience.

Like many other parents, I am my children’s champion. From getting the most out of health evaluations to maximizing parent-teacher conferences to navigating emergency situations, I am constantly representing my children with a combination of love, determination and, hopefully, a little luck. Through these experiences, I developed a five-step approach to utilize whenever I’m in a situation in which I need to advocate for my children. This process applies to most parenting pickles, from long-term problems to urgent crises:

1) Determine the need: What is the problem? What does your child require? Is it a critical situation that needs immediate attention, or can you take some time to plan out your strategy? If you have other children, what are their needs right now? Stay calm and focused on the issue at hand.

2) Assess the situation: Whom will you need to help you take care of the problem? Where are they located and how can you get in touch with them? Do you have to go to another physical location or can they come to you? Obtain resources, contact information and anything else that can help you through the situation. It’s important to note, however, that there are times when children need to work things out for themselves. In your assessment, determine if you need to get involved at all, and if you don’t, simply watch from a distance until you are needed or until it is resolved.

3) Form a team: If this is a long-term problem (such as you have just learned that your child has special needs), call a meeting with the people who can help you through this. As the parent, you have an incredible amount of power. You know your child better than anyone and are the “expert” on him or her. You can make a meeting happen by being calm and polite – but persistent. Once you know all the players, form a team that you can call upon as you work through the situation. Never be afraid to use your parent power – you are in the driver’s seat.

If the problem is urgent (such as a medical emergency or a bully attack), get to where you need to be. Is it a professional’s office, a hospital or school? Go to the place that can help you and your child through the situation, and once you are there, meet with the people who can help you. Again, use your parental influence to form a proactive and responsive team.

4) Make your decision/recommendation: Get input from every member of the team. If it’s just one person, get his or her input and match it with your own. If it’s a group of people, hear everyone out and weigh the pros and cons of each suggestion. Ask yourself what you think and then listen to your gut. Most parents’ instincts about their children are correct. Once you have weighed all the information available to you, make your decision about how to proceed. Give your recommendation to the team and allow them to follow through.

5) Follow up, follow up, follow up: Once a decision is made and a plan is put into action, it is up to you to ensure that it actually happens. There is a fine line between following up and nagging, but you have to be the team leader in all matters related to your child. This means you should know what is going on at all times so that you can provide feedback and make adjustments as necessary. Keep in mind that while the team needs to be allowed to do their job and help your child, you should be “in the know” as much as you can without being “in their face.” Make phone calls, write letters or e-mails and make in-person visits whenever necessary. Stay top-of-mind with your team so they know you care.

There’s nothing more powerful than a parent on a mission for their child.

Some children don’t have parents to serve as their advocates. That’s where CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) comes in. CASA advocates are the voice for children set adrift in the legal system. Learn more at www.nationalcasa.org.

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