728x90
my iParenting
From Our Sponsors
e-newsletters
Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters

new terms of use
new privacy policy
award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Home › Webmother's Musings

The Importance of Fathers

By Elisa Ast All

Telling my husband, Alvin, he was going to be a father was one of the most profound moments of both of our lives. I kept my secret for an entire day before telling him – a day that felt like a year. I picked him up from work that night and drove him to our favorite Mexican restaurant. When he stepped away from the table momentarily, I wrote my secret message on the paper placemat: "Congratulations, Dad!" When he returned to the table, he read the message and, confused, said, "Oh, look. They forgot to change the placemat from the last people who were here!"

When I told him the message was from me, for him, his entire face changed. A look of awe and joy emerged. We hugged and laughed together. Who knew what the journey would hold?

From that moment on, he became a father. By joining me on prenatal appointments, talking to the baby and, yes, even shopping for nursery items, he bonded with our baby before he was born.

Keeping that bond after birth is important, and more and more dads are finding they can – and want – to do it. And it's not just good for the father – the child benefits greatly. Studies show a correlation between dads' involvement in their children's lives and the children's behavior, values and personality traits. Kids with involved dads have increased self-confidence and empathy, and may even form stronger relationships with others.

Most fathers truly want to be a significant part of their children's lives. Here are some ideas to keep in mind on your fatherhood journey:

  • Make sure your kids know they are the priority. They sense when you're distracted or not really there. When you're with them, don't think about work or other issues. Truly be with them.
  • Kids want your time, not material things. If you miss an event, don't bribe them with "stuff" just to ease your guilty conscience. Commit yourself to doing better next time – and then follow through.
  • Find uninterrupted time each day to spend with your child, even if it's just 10 minutes of reading at bedtime. Connect with them, listen to them and make eye contact often.
  • Plan adventures. Whether it's bowling or a road trip, kids just want to be with you. If you have more than one child, spend time with each of them alone. They need to form a one-on-one relationship with you.
  • Set aside a regular time to have a dad and kid date, whether it's to play outside or talk about life. Taking up a hobby together is a great way to connect.
  • Praise your kids. Catch them being good and reward them with a compliment. Let your children know you are proud of them.
  • Try not to miss important events like recitals or the big game. Be there for routine stuff, too. Bath time and doctor appointments are memorable to a child.
  • Make sure your children know that you are there for them always, even if they do something wrong. They need to know they can approach you about anything.
  • As they grow, let them know you love them, every day, no matter how old they are. No one outgrows hearing that – or getting hugs.
  • Above all, cherish the family unit. The more love you put in, the more you will get back.

For more information on fatherhood, visit iParenting's Dads Channel.