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Home › Webmother's Musings

Finding the Right School – Parents Talk Back

By Elisa Ast All

In my last iParenting column (Finding the School That's Right for My Child), I discussed the challenges of determining the best educational environment for a gifted-yet-special-needs child. I invited responses from parents, and the feedback was incredible. Many parents have either experienced a similar situation in the past or are going through it right now (one reader even called it "an epidemic"). While the parents and their children were diverse in their wants and needs, all expressed a similar frustration with current programs in place for both gifted children and special needs kids. Some offered advice based on their experience; others sought insight or referrals; and some just vented in the hopes that by coming together, we could effect some positive change.

Here is a small sample of the letters I received.

"We stayed with the public school system because we did not discover an alternative that seemed preferable. Frankly, I didn't worry too much about his 'gifted' side – I could see that nothing was going to stop his acquisition of knowledge. My best tactic was communicating as clearly as possible with the principals and other school officials what problems they could expect with my son, and also what good qualities he has. Over time this has paid off, and the school district has accepted responsibility (as they must by law) to give him the most appropriate, least restrictive education ... The most important factor in any single school year has been careful selection of the classroom teacher. Principals know which of their teachers are compassionate and will go the extra mile for a child whose life is already very stressful." – Diane, Lake Bluff

"... the Evanston public schools are in flux right now ... there is a great deal of turnover among teachers and principals, and this problem is likely to continue ... Also, the public schools only must provide your child with an 'adequate' education; they do not have to (and will not try to) maximize his potential. Private schools may lavish more attention and resources on their students but are not mandated to offer any services, and most do not have the services that SI (sensory integration) kids need, and certainly will not significantly alter their programs for an SI child. What services they may provide are likely to be at the parent's expense. On top of the expense of tuition and all the other therapies, this may be impossible for many families ... It's very frustrating that none of the existing programs really meet their needs." – Susan, Evanston

"With regard to help in the school system for children with SI, our school district has told me that there is nothing they can do to help, inasmuch as my child was tested for a learning deficiency, but found not to have a learning deficiency. SI does not meet their definition of a learning deficiency." – Virginia, Lake Villa

"His [the principal's] position was social skills are more important anyway, which I responded that that doesn't mean her education should be any less important. It was like talking to a brick wall. Nothing was going to change, and continuing to press the issue would only cause a problem between us ... I have spoken to many parents there, and we all feel the same: helpless." – Tammy, Northbrook

"...My kids have had teachers who are not interested in teaching to their [the kids'] capabilities ... I have attempted to let them [the kids] know that they will have people they need to work with throughout their lives who are not necessarily easy or pleasant. This is a life lesson in how to deal with people. I also believe that the kids need to work towards following first before they can lead ... They will be future leaders ... This is a skill that I believe is even more important for gifted children to understand and acquire." – Maureen, Wilmette

And perhaps the most promising, from the principal of an Evanston public school:

"The critical issue is how best to help this child progress positively in all developmental areas ... I am going to share your article and the concerns raised by this mother with our special services department ... I would like to share it with the new director of special services once he/she is confirmed as well as with fellow district administrators." – Shelley Carrey, principal, Willard school

To learn more about Dysfunction in Sensory Integration (DSI), visit the Sensory Integration Resource Center: http://www.sinetwork.org/.