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Home › Webmother's Musings

September 11, One Year Later

By Elisa Ast All

Planes crashing. Buildings falling. People screaming.

Where were you when the first plane hit the first tower? A friend and I were at Oprah Winfrey's Harpo studios in downtown Chicago, awaiting a show taping. After the planes hit, Oprah came out to talk to the audience in her slippers, bathrobe, glasses and hair curlers. She said, "They say the show must go on, but not at Harpo it doesn't." All I could think was, "Get me home." We joined the mass exodus from Chicago to the suburbs. Home never looked so good, and I never held my children so tight.

The images in our minds from September 11 are vivid and just as frightening one year later. The events embedded a powerful scar upon our psyche – one you don't think about all the time, but it's still there. We can hope that it fades over time, but it will never go away.

September 11 changed many things about our world. Those of us who were too young to feel the impact of Pearl Harbor lost our innocence by realizing that our country is, indeed, vulnerable. We fought back, we became a bit paranoid and we pulled our children even closer to us.

Many parents feel their family dynamics changed completely. "I dismiss my worries much faster," says Shelley, a mother of three. "I can't imagine anything in my life being that bad. The result is a closer – almost spiritual – bond with my family members."

Others realized just how precious the fleeting moments are with our children. "I tend to appreciate the little things more now, instead of counting down the minutes 'til bedtime!" says Elaine, a mother of three.

The feeling that each day is a gift is a prevalent theme among parents. "I live for every day with my family," says Julie, a mother of two. "I go into my children's rooms at night and watch them sleep and thank God that I am here to be with them and that they are here with me. I look at the innocence of their sleeping bodies and wonder how I can protect them from all the evil in this world."

Perhaps the most important lesson we learned is to live in the moment, to savor each day with our families. "The two things I try to keep in mind every day are that you can't take your freedom for granted and that life is short, and you should treasure the people you have with you today," says Jessica, a mother of three.

Adds Shelley, "I realized how fast we have been trying to push our children to grow up and be independent. We are always thinking about the future. In the process, we are missing all the todays. I try to parent my kids for their lives right now."

It seems as though more babies than ever are being born, perhaps in celebration of our freedom or in defiance of our enemies. And as we celebrate our families, we will always remember those who lost their lives, those who lost loved ones, those who saved countless people with their acts of heroism and those who continue to fight for our country. On September 11, "I'll think about those families all day long. I'll think about the soldiers in Afghanistan. I'll think about my life. I know I will shed tears," says Shelley.

"My family will reflect on special times and prepare for new beginnings," says Jessica. "Every time I look at [my 6-month-old], I think of all the women who were also pregnant when 9/11 happened. I remember looking down at my belly and wondering how this world would look when my baby arrived. Now I look at [my baby], and I still wonder what the future holds for him and for every child. But I also have incredible faith in humanity."

Parents' Thoughts on September 11

Belinda, mother of one

"For me, it seems like mere weeks since September 11, but if I stop to think about all of those wives, husbands and children who were directly affected by losing loved ones, I can only imagine that for them it seems an eternity. For them, this past year is just one of many that they will no doubt 'endure' before the pain begins to subside.

"If I've made any changes, it's to be more acutely aware (or try to) of my surroundings and the seemingly little things – both good and bad. I am more wary of 'little dangers,' I guess because I feel like there is so much of a larger threat out there."

Donna, mother of three

"For a while I kept my family away from anything that could possibly be a terrorist's target. We didn't go to our new mall because that's the biggest mall around here, and of course, that's the one terrorists would pick, right? Now, we go to places like that, but it's always in the back of your mind. I've learned you can't live that way. You have to live life and do the best you can to keep your family safe in the process.

"I'm more honest with my kids. We used to herd them out of the room during the news because of all the talk of murders, kidnappings, bombings, etc., but now, though I still try to shield them a bit, if they hear something like that, we talk about it. They need to know that the world is full of bad people."

Laurie, mother of two expecting her third

"I didn't think the anniversary would have much of a personal impact on me, but I've been mistaken. I overheard my parents planning a day trip and asked them what day, and when they said, 'September 11,' I had to search my memory. Why did that date sound familiar? When it came to me, it was with panic. I wanted to tell them not to go and immediately began making plans to keep my children close that day. It's a reminder how easy it is to lose what is most dear.

"It's definitely made me more protective of my family. My husband was working near NYC on September 11 last year, and it made me realize how easily I could have been very directly affected, and I think of all the women who have been, of all the babies born since September 11 that don't have a daddy. Since September 11, our family has changed – I examine everything – I want our children to be children, without worrying about things like this. I don't want them to grow up too fast."